Elizabeth just couldn't understand herself. She had waited for this her whole life. When she was little, she had a whole nursery set up for her "baby" (a doll she had been given by her grandmother), and she would spend hours taking care of her. She loved to change her clothes, give her a bath, rock her to sleep, and do every other thing mommies do with their babies. She would dream of the day she could do those things with her own, real-life baby. So now that she could, why was it so hard? Why wasn't she finding any joy in living her dream? To make matters worse, her husband couldn't understand her either. He would get frustrated when he would come home from work only to find her still in her pajamas. The house was a mess, the baby wasn't happy, and Elizabeth didn't seem to be doing anything anymore. This was her only job, so what was the matter with her?
Elizabeth was suffering from postpartum depression (PPD), an illness that affects around 19 percent of childbearing women at some point in their life.1 Women who suffer from PPD feel confused, afraid, and alone during a time that could be joyful. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us that "in the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience" (¶ 3). Much of this earthly experience involves pain and hardship. Postpartum depression is one of the more misunderstood earthly experiences that women have. While many have heard of PPD and its devastating effects on the family, few have been educated about what it is and how it can be treated. Because of this, many women feel that they suffer alone and in silence.5 The family can and should be a woman's best resource during this difficult period. However, family members cannot provide the necessary support unless they understand what the illness is and how it affects them. In this review, we will learn what PPD is, how it affects the family, and how the family can recover from its effects together.
The Cycle of PPD
A family can be seen as a system, with individuals in the family influencing one another. According to this perspective, one family member's experiences affect everyone else in the family, and visa-versa. This creates a continuous cycle of change in the family. Because of this, PPD causes quite a stir in family life. It makes a mother's whole world turn upside down, and her changed feelings and behaviors influence the way her family members feel and act.6 Families who are aware of this cycle can be proactive in changing a possible family disaster into an opportunity for growth and connection.
She's Not Just Feeling Blue
Nearly all women have a period of sadness, called the Baby Blues, following the birth of a child. It is important that family members understand the difference between Baby Blues and PPD so they can avoid letting depression go untreated. Following is a comparison of the Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression.1,5,9,10
| The Baby Blues | Postpartum Depression | |
| Onset: | 3 days following childbirth | Sometime during the 1st year after childbirth |
| Symptoms: | - Anger - Irritability - Extra sensitive - Mood swings - Sadness - Crying - Anxiety - Elation (sometimes) | - Increased irritability - Anger - Withdrawal from family and friends - Feelings of guilt and shame - Difficulty concentrating - Lack of interest or pleasure - Insomnia or hypersomnia - Suicidal thoughts - Desire to harm herself or the baby* *A woman suffering from PPD still understands that her desires to harm herself or her baby are wrong. If she feels that she should harm herself or the baby, or if she acts on those feelings, she may be suffering from postpartum psychosis, a condition requiring immediate medical attention. |
| Recovery | Resolves itself in 7-10 days | May take several months to resolve. Lifestyle changes, therapy, and medication aid in the recovery process. |
Family members who are aware of PPD can help prevent silent suffering by calling attention to the symptoms of PPD and seeking help for them immediately. Husbands can mention what they see happening, counsel with their wives about possible solutions, and take the initiative in seeking treatment from a healthcare professional. If this is not the first baby, other children can also get involved. They often spend more time with Mom, and may notice that something is not right. They can mention their concern to one or both parents.
"When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"
You might have heard the silly phrase before, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." While it is often used jokingly, there may be some truth to it, especially in this case. When a mother suffers from PPD, joyful feelings are extinct, or if she's lucky, they're rare. The way she feels affects the way she behaves, and the family can begin to feel the same way.
Postpartum depression can have a profound impact on the infant, the spouse, and the marriage. Mothers with PPD have difficulty interacting with their infants. As a result, they are often less playful and attentive than others their age.10 They are also at risk of having behavioral problems through childhood.1 Fathers, influenced by their wife's feelings about her relationship with the baby, also have difficulty interacting with their infants.6 They, too, can become depressed.2 Symptoms of depression can cause stress in the marital relationship, leading to a decrease in marital satisfaction.8
Lend a Hand
One of the most important ways to prevent PPD is to offer social support. Social support is any type of help provided by friends and family in a time of need. Women who receive practical support (financial aid, meals, childcare, etc.) after the birth of a child are much less likely to suffer from PPD.12 Family members can work to prevent PPD by providing practical support prior to the arrival of the baby, and continuing to help after the baby is born. The father can look into ways he can be home more following the baby's arrival, such as changing his work schedule or taking time off work completely for a little while (many businesses offer maternity and paternity leave). He can also plan ahead for ways he can help when he is at home, and can solicit the help of extended family members as well, if any are nearby. One way he could do this it to create a schedule before the birth for who is going to help and when they will do so during the first several weeks of the baby's life. This would not only ensure that the mother receives the support she needs, but would also strengthen the marriage relationship as the husband serves his wife selflessly. If social support can help to prevent PPD, it can also help with its treatment. It is never too late to lend a hand.
Treatment
A family provides needed support by strengthening the mother as she receives treatment for PPD. The three types of treatment for PPD are lifestyle changes, psychotherapy, and medication. These can be combined or used separately to aid in recovery. A woman suffering with PPD should create a treatment plan under the direction of a healthcare professional and with the help of her spouse and other family members.5 Below are ways that families can make lifestyle changes together to support Mom in the treatment process.
Change Your Lifestyle
- Sleep. Lack of sleep is a common complaint among all parents of newborn babies, but it is especially problematic for women with PPD. Women are more likely to suffer from PPD if they get less than four hours of sleep between the hours of midnight and 6 am, and nap less than one hour during the day.7 Following are some ideas for ways immediate and extended family members can make more time for Mom to sleep:5
- Maintain a positive attitude about Mom's need for extra sleep
- Establish quiet hours for naptime
- Care for the baby between feedings
- Do household chores
- Make meals
- Run errands
- Exercise. It is important for Mom's physical and mental health to be exercising regularly. Many doctors are prescribing exercise in conjunction with other treatments for PPD. Physically, exercise helps keep all of the body's functions working properly. It also releases endorphins in the brain, which contribute to a happier mood. Mentally, exercise can help a new mother feel more in control of her life, and empowered to take steps toward recovery.5 Women suffering from PPD are often encouraged to exercise in groups so that they can enjoy much needed social interaction as they work to stay physically fit.3
Like extra sleep, exercise is difficult to fit into a new mother's schedule without concerted effort. Families can make time for Mom to exercise by doing some of the things suggested to help her get more sleep. Couples and families can also participate in physical exercise together, providing time for the family to strengthen their connection while also meeting the physical needs of the mother who struggles with PPD. Consider planning a family outing once a week that involves some physical activity. A bike ride with the baby in a baby seat, a walk around the neighborhood, or even a playful game of hopscotch can relieve stress and bring laughter to the family dealing with PPD.
- New thought patterns. Patterns of negative thought can perpetuate symptoms of depression. For example, a common negative thought pattern that contributes to depression is the "mental filter".5 We are using a mental filter when we focus on only the negative aspects of a situation and ignore the positive. If you are accustomed to thinking this way, the following thought might ring familiar to you: "I can't get anything done anymore. The sink is full of dishes, the floor hasn't been swept for a week, and we ate frozen pizza for dinner again tonight." Consider replacing it with one more like this: "I might not do as many chores as I used to do, but I'm doing the best I can. I got dinner on the table, I changed and fed the baby whenever she needed it, and I even showered today!" Focusing on the things that did go right can relieve some of the stress and negativity that accompanies thoughts of what didn't.
Negative thought patterns are often perpetuated in the home by negative attitudes and expressions used by family members. Families can work together to create positive thought patterns in their homes by speaking positively and encouraging one another to choose a new way of thinking when negative thoughts creep in. For example, if Billy started to complain about having frozen pizza for dinner again, his brother could kindly remind him that they are choosing positive thoughts, and say something like, "I'm sure glad we're having dinner as a family tonight." Families offer support to the mother by not only encouraging her to change her thoughts but committing to do so along with her.
When family members take an active role in the process of treating postpartum depression, they are not only helping Mom recover but are buffering the negative effects of PPD on the whole family. They are helping the entire family recover through their efforts. If you believe you or someone you love suffers from postpartum depression, take action now. Discuss your concerns with a trusted family member, and seek the advice of a healthcare professional.
Suggested Reading & Further Resources
Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression, by Shoshana S. Bennett and Pec Indman
The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for living with Postpartum Depression, by Karen R. Kleiman
When Baby Brings the Blues: Solutions for Postpartum Depression, by Ariel Dalfen
The Great Marriage Tune-Up Book, by Jeffry H. Larson, Ph.D.
Written by Amy M. Scoville, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
References
- Beck, C. T. (2006). Postpartum depression: It isn't just the blues. The American Journal of Nursing, 106(5), 40-50.
- Bielawska-Batorowicz, E., & Kossakowska-Petrycka, K. (2006). Depressive mood in men after the birth of their offspring in relation to a partner's depression, social support, fathers' personality and prenatal expectations. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 24(1), 21-29.
- Currie, J. L., & Develin, E. (2002). Stroll your way to well-being: A survey of the perceived benefits, barriers, community support, and stigma associated with pram walking groups designed for new mothers, Sydney, Australia. Health Care for Women International, 23, 882-893.
- Daley, A., Jolly, K., & MacArthur, C. (2009). The effectiveness of exercise in the management of post-natal depression: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Family Practice, 26, 154-162.
- Dalfen, A. (2009). When baby brings the blues: Solutions for postpartum depression. Mississauga, Ont.: J. Wiley & Sons Canada.
- Goodman, J.H. (2008). Influences of maternal postpartum depression on fathers and on father-infant interaction. Infant Mental Health Journal, 29(6), 624-643.
- Goyal, D., Gay, C., & Lee, K. (2009). Fragmented sleep is more strongly correlated with depressive symptoms than infant temperament at three months. Archive of Women's Mental Health, 12, 229-237.
- Larson, J. H. (2003). The great marriage tune-up book. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
- Mayo Clinic (2008). Postpartum depression.
- O'Hara, M. W. (2009). Postpartum depression: What we know. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 65, 1258-1269.
- Seyfried, L. S., & Marcus, S. M. (2003). Postpartum mood disorders. International Review of Psychiatry, 15, 231-242.
- Xie, R., He, G., Koszycki, D., Walker, M., & Wen, S. W. (2009). Prenatal social support, postnatal social support, and postpartum depression. Annals of Epidemiology, 19, 637-643.
Elizabeth just couldn't understand herself. She had waited for this her whole life. When she was little, she had a whole nursery set up for her "baby" (a doll she had been given by her grandmother), and she would spend hours taking care of her. She loved to change her clothes, give her a bath, rock her to sleep, and do every other thing mommies do with their babies. She would dream of the day she could do those things with her own, real-life baby. So now that she could, why was it so hard? Why wasn't she finding any joy in living her dream? To make matters worse, her husband couldn't understand her either. He would get frustrated when he would come home from work only to find her still in her pajamas. The house was a mess, the baby wasn't happy, and Elizabeth didn't seem to be doing anything anymore. This was her only job, so what was the matter with her?
Elizabeth was suffering from postpartum depression (PPD), an illness that affects around 19 percent of childbearing women at some point in their life.1 Women who suffer from PPD feel confused, afraid, and alone during a time that could be joyful. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us that "in the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience" (¶ 3). Much of this earthly experience involves pain and hardship. Postpartum depression is one of the more misunderstood earthly experiences that women have. While many have heard of PPD and its devastating effects on the family, few have been educated about what it is and how it can be treated. Because of this, many women feel that they suffer alone and in silence.5 The family can and should be a woman's best resource during this difficult period. However, family members cannot provide the necessary support unless they understand what the illness is and how it affects them. In this review, we will learn what PPD is, how it affects the family, and how the family can recover from its effects together.
The Cycle of PPD
A family can be seen as a system, with individuals in the family influencing one another. According to this perspective, one family member's experiences affect everyone else in the family, and visa-versa. This creates a continuous cycle of change in the family. Because of this, PPD causes quite a stir in family life. It makes a mother's whole world turn upside down, and her changed feelings and behaviors influence the way her family members feel and act.6 Families who are aware of this cycle can be proactive in changing a possible family disaster into an opportunity for growth and connection.
She's Not Just Feeling Blue
Nearly all women have a period of sadness, called the Baby Blues, following the birth of a child. It is important that family members understand the difference between Baby Blues and PPD so they can avoid letting depression go untreated. Following is a comparison of the Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression:1,5,9,10
| The Baby Blues | Postpartum Depression | |
| Onset: | 3 days following childbirth | Sometime during the 1st year after childbirth |
| Symptoms: | - Anger - Irritability - Extra sensitive - Mood swings - Sadness - Crying - Anxiety - Elation (sometimes) | - Increased irritability - Anger - Withdrawal from family and friends - Feelings of guilt and shame - Difficulty concentrating - Lack of interest or pleasure - Insomnia or hypersomnia - Suicidal thoughts - Desire to harm herself or the baby* *A woman suffering from PPD still understands that her desires to harm herself or her baby are wrong. If she feels that she should harm herself or the baby, or if she acts on those feelings, she may be suffering from postpartum psychosis, a condition requiring immediate medical attention. |
| Recovery | Resolves itself in 7-10 days | May take several months to resolve. Lifestyle changes, therapy, and medication aid in the recovery process. |
Family members who are aware of PPD can help prevent silent suffering by calling attention to the symptoms of PPD and seeking help for them immediately. Husbands can mention what they see happening, counsel with their wives about possible solutions, and take the initiative in seeking treatment from a healthcare professional. If this is not the first baby, other children can also get involved. They often spend more time with Mom, and may notice that something is not right. They can mention their concern to one or both parents.
"When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"
You might have heard the silly phrase before, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." While it is often used jokingly, there may be some truth to it, especially in this case. When a mother suffers from PPD, joyful feelings are extinct, or if she's lucky, they're rare. The way she feels affects the way she behaves, and the family can begin to feel the same way.
Postpartum depression can have a profound impact on the infant, the spouse, and the marriage. Mothers with PPD have difficulty interacting with their infants. As a result, they are often less playful and attentive than others their age.10 They are also at risk of having behavioral problems through childhood.1 Fathers, influenced by their wife's feelings about her relationship with the baby, also have difficulty interacting with their infants.6 They, too, can become depressed.2 Symptoms of depression can cause stress in the marital relationship, leading to a decrease in marital satisfaction.8
Lend a Hand
One of the most important ways to prevent PPD is to offer social support. Social support is any type of help provided by friends and family in a time of need. Women who receive practical support (financial aid, meals, childcare, etc.) after the birth of a child are much less likely to suffer from PPD.12 Family members can work to prevent PPD by providing practical support prior to the arrival of the baby, and continuing to help after the baby is born. The father can look into ways he can be home more following the baby's arrival, such as changing his work schedule or taking time off work completely for a little while (many businesses offer maternity and paternity leave). He can also plan ahead for ways he can help when he is at home, and can solicit the help of extended family members as well, if any are nearby. One way he could do this it to create a schedule before the birth for who is going to help and when they will do so during the first several weeks of the baby's life. This would not only ensure that the mother receives the support she needs, but would also strengthen the marriage relationship as the husband serves his wife selflessly. If social support can help to prevent PPD, it can also help with its treatment. It is never too late to lend a hand.
Treatment
A family provides needed support by strengthening the mother as she receives treatment for PPD. The three types of treatment for PPD are lifestyle changes, psychotherapy, and medication. These can be combined or used separately to aid in recovery. A woman suffering from PPD should create a treatment plan under the direction of a healthcare professional and with the help of her spouse and other family members.5 Below are ways that families can make lifestyle changes together to support Mom in the treatment process.
Change Your Lifestyle
- Sleep. Lack of sleep is a common complaint among all parents of newborn babies, but it is especially problematic for women with PPD. Women are more likely to suffer from PPD if they get less than four hours of sleep between the hours of midnight and 6 am, and nap less than one hour during the day.7 Following are some ideas for ways immediate and extended family members can make more time for Mom to sleep:5
- Maintain a positive attitude about Mom's need for extra sleep
- Establish quiet hours for naptime
- Care for the baby between feedings
- Do household chores
- Make meals
- Run errands
- Exercise. It is important for Mom's physical and mental health to be exercising regularly. Many doctors are prescribing exercise in conjunction with other treatments for PPD. Physically, exercise helps keep all of the body's functions working properly. It also releases endorphins in the brain, which contribute to a happier mood. Mentally, exercise can help a new mother feel more in control of her life, and empowered to take steps toward recovery.5 Women suffering from PPD are often encouraged to exercise in groups so that they can enjoy much needed social interaction as they work to stay physically fit.3
Like extra sleep, exercise is difficult to fit into a new mother's schedule without concerted effort. Families can make time for Mom to exercise by doing some of the things suggested to help her get more sleep. Couples and families can also participate in physical exercise together, providing time for the family to strengthen their connection while also meeting the physical needs of the mother who struggles with PPD. Consider planning a family outing once a week that involves some physical activity. A bike ride with the baby in a baby seat, a walk around the neighborhood, or even a playful game of hopscotch can relieve stress and bring laughter to the family dealing with PPD.
- New thought patterns. Patterns of negative thought can perpetuate symptoms of depression. For example, a common negative thought pattern that contributes to depression is the "mental filter".5 We are using a mental filter when we focus on only the negative aspects of a situation and ignore the positive. If you are accustomed to thinking this way, the following thought might ring familiar to you: "I can't get anything done anymore. The sink is full of dishes, the floor hasn't been swept for a week, and we ate frozen pizza for dinner again tonight." Consider replacing it by one more like this: "I might not do as many chores as I used to do, but I'm doing the best I can. I got dinner on the table, I changed and fed the baby whenever she needed it, and I even showered today!" Focusing on the things that did go right can relieve some of the stress and negativity that accompanies thoughts of what didn't.
Negative thought patterns are often perpetuated in the home by negative attitudes and expressions used by family members. Families can work together to create positive thought patterns in their homes by speaking positively and encouraging one another to choose a new way of thinking when negative thoughts creep in. For example, if Billy started to complain about having frozen pizza for dinner again, his brother could kindly remind him that they are choosing positive thoughts, and say something like, "I'm sure glad we're having dinner as a family tonight." Families offer support to the mother by not only encouraging her to change her thoughts but committing to do so along with her.
When family members take an active role in the process of treating postpartum depression, they are not only helping Mom recover but are buffering the negative effects of PPD on the whole family. They are helping the entire family recover through their efforts. If you believe you or someone you love suffers from postpartum depression, take action now. Discuss your concerns with a trusted family member, and seek the advice of a healthcare professional.
Suggested Reading & Further Resources
Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression, by Shoshana S. Bennett and Pec Indman
The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for living with Postpartum Depression, by Karen R. Kleiman
When Baby Brings the Blues: Solutions for Postpartum Depression, by Ariel Dalfen
The Great Marriage Tune-Up Book, by Jeffry H. Larson, Ph.D.
Written by Amy M. Scoville, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
References
- Beck, C. T. (2006). Postpartum depression: It isn't just the blues. The American Journal of Nursing, 106(5), 40-50.
- Bielawska-Batorowicz, E., & Kossakowska-Petrycka, K. (2006). Depressive mood in men after the birth of their offspring in relation to a partner's depression, social support, fathers' personality and prenatal expectations. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 24(1), 21-29.
- Currie, J. L., & Develin, E. (2002). Stroll your way to well-being: A survey of the perceived benefits, barriers, community support, and stigma associated with pram walking groups designed for new mothers, Sydney, Australia. Health Care for Women International, 23, 882-893.
- Daley, A., Jolly, K., & MacArthur, C. (2009). The effectiveness of exercise in the management of post-natal depression: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Family Practice, 26, 154-162.
- Dalfen, A. (2009). When baby brings the blues: Solutions for postpartum depression. Mississauga, Ont.: J. Wiley & Sons Canada.
- Goodman, J.H. (2008). Influences of maternal postpartum depression on fathers and on father-infant interaction. Infant Mental Health Journal, 29(6), 624-643.
- Goyal, D., Gay, C., & Lee, K. (2009). Fragmented sleep is more strongly correlated with depressive symptoms than infant temperament at three months. Archive of Women's Mental Health, 12, 229-237.
- Larson, J. H. (2003). The great marriage tune-up book. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
- Mayo Clinic (2008). Postpartum depression.
- O'Hara, M. W. (2009). Postpartum depression: What we know. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 65, 1258-1269.
- Seyfried, L. S., & Marcus, S. M. (2003). Postpartum mood disorders. International Review of Psychiatry, 15, 231-242.
- Xie, R., He, G., Koszycki, D., Walker, M., & Wen, S. W. (2009). Prenatal social support, postnatal social support, and postpartum depression. Annals of Epidemiology, 19, 637-643.
Postpartum depression is a devastating illness for mothers and their families. At a time when she is expected to feel more joy than ever before, a woman with postpartum depression feels despair. Her family's dreams as well as her own are crowded out and replaced by a nightmare.
A common misconception among people of all faiths is that those with mental illness just need to have more faith and be more obedient, and then they will be healed. While turning to the Lord for healing is essential for women suffering from postpartum depression, seeking professional guidance through the recovery process is also essential. Elder Alexander B. Morrison said:
"Remember that God has given us wondrous knowledge and technology that can help us overcome grievous problems such as mental illness. Just as we would not hesitate to consult a physician about medical problems such as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes, so too we should not hesitate to obtain medical and other appropriate professional assistance in dealing with mental illness. When such assistance is sought, be careful to ensure, insofar as possible, that the health professional concerned follows practices and procedures which are compatible with gospel principles."6
In order for full healing to take place, professional help must be coupled with the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Jesus Christ serves as a roadmap for recovery, providing powerful resources to overcome the devastating effects of postpartum depression. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "Do you or someone you love|face disease or depression or death? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven's promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: 'I do know,' he says, 'that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions'".3 The Gospel will help women and their families trust in God and discern the truth as they wade through the recovery process together.
Christ's Healing Power
The Master Healer has given His life that we might be healed from all pain and suffering. This includes the pain of postpartum depression felt by not only the mother, but her entire family. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated:
"Jesus healed many from physical diseases, but He did not withhold healing from those who sought to be "made whole" from other ailments. Matthew writes that He healed every sickness and every disease among the people (see Matthew 4:23; 9:35). Great multitudes followed Him, and He "healed them all" (Matthew 12:15). Surely these healings included those whose sicknesses were emotional, mental, or spiritual. He healed them all."4
Christ offers healing to all, but He offers it in His own way. We may desire to pray and ask the Lord to take the depression away immediately, or seek a priesthood blessing, hoping that if we have enough faith we will see an instant cure. Sometimes, we will see exactly that, but sometimes the Lord has a different plan for our learning and growth. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). Elder Oaks (2006) said:
"Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a "healing" cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are "healed" by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us".4
We must trust the Lord to do what will lead to our greatest happiness. If we believe that our wellbeing is His first priority, then we will be able to accept the healing He provides for us, not matter what form it comes in. We can be certain that full and complete freedom from the burden of illness will surely come through His Atoning power, whether in this life or the next.
If the Savior does not remove our burden all at once, we may feel abandoned or betrayed. However, we know that the Lord will never leave us alone. Elder Holland (2006) said:
"There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, "beyond [his] own." The Savior reminds us that He has "graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands." Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now."3
As you and your family face the daily challenges of postpartum depression, trust that the Savior has not left you to do it on your own. Look for ways you can see Him helping you each day, and believe that He is doing what will ultimately lead to your eternal salvation.
Pressing Forward as a Family
We learn in The Family: A Proclamation to the World that "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities" (¶ 7). Families must work toward these ideals even during difficult trials, such as when their beloved wife and mother is suffering from postpartum depression. Fathers, who "are to preside over their families in love and righteousness" (¶ 6), can take the lead in maintaining the success of the family even through the family crucible of postpartum depression. Following are ways that families can use these principles to guide them through the recovery process.
Faith. Fathers, while prospects may seem bleak during dark moments of depression, believe that your wife and your family will heal. "...If ye have faith, ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). It may be difficult in this moment to see your family as healed and whole, however, if you believe firmly in the Savior's ability to heal, you know that is simply a truth that cannot currently be seen. Seek to see your family with "the eye of faith" (Ether 12:19) by picturing each member as healed a whole. Hold on to that image, knowing that it is possible to get there through the Savior's power. Express your faith verbally to your wife and children, and give them the opportunity to do so as well. When miracles do happen, however small, celebrate them as a family. Make sure that your children know that you believe those miracles came from the Lord. Recognizing the Lord's hand in your lives will further increase your faith. Mothers, choose faithful thoughts to replace the doubt and fear that may frequently cloud your mind during this dark time. Look to your family for strength as you strive to strengthen your faith.
Prayer. "Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed" (3 Nephi 18:21). Continue to seek the Lord's blessings by having personal, couple, and family prayer. Fathers, give an example to your wife and children of praying consistently and with faith. Mothers, continue to pray even if it is difficult to do so. The Lord will bless you for obeying His commandment to "pray always" (3 Nephi 18:15), even during the hard times. You especially need His strength now. If you are suffering from postpartum depression, you may find it hard to have meaningful prayer as you have in the past. The depression may keep you from feeling the way you used to feel when you prayed, and that can be very discouraging. This predicament provides an opportunity for you to exercise your faith. Continuing to study and pray in spite of how different you feel will show the Lord that you are committed to obeying his commandments no matter what. This demonstration of faith will lead you to believe more fully in Christ's healing power and will make it more possible for Him to heal you.
Repentance. While postpartum depression is not a consequence of sin, sin will only make the trial more difficult. Elder Holland said that "we must change anything we can change that may be part of the problem. In short, we must repent, perhaps the most hopeful and encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary".3 Continue to repent throughout the recovery process. As you repent, you will qualify for the continued company of the Holy Ghost in your life. This is essential to recovery, as the Lord will speak peace to you and guide you to full healing through the voice of the Spirit.
Forgiveness. The effects of postpartum depression can lead to wounded family relationships. The illness can cause mothers to behave in ways that they otherwise would not. This, in turn, may cause other family members to behave differently. Feelings can be hurt and it would be easy to grow more distant as a family through the experience. Because of this, forgiveness is essential. Husbands must forgive their wives, wives must forgive their husbands, and parents and children must forgive each other. This forgiveness will free the family to become stronger and more connected through this trial.
Respect. When family members respect one another, they find it easier to love each other. Fathers, lead the way by showing respect for your wife. Your family will follow in your footsteps, showing respect for you and for each other. A feeling of respect in your home will cultivate a desire to understand and to be more patient with one another.
Love. "Perfect love casteth out all fear" (Moroni 8:16). Family crises may instill fear in the hearts of those involved. However, you can combat this fear by loving each other more perfectly. Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught us why the family is the place to develop perfect love. He said:1
"Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love."
The trial of postpartum depression provides a perfect setting for learning these lessons. The nature of the illness will require all family members to put others' welfare first in order to maintain peace and joy in the home. Father, mother and children will have to make sacrifices in order for everyone's needs to be met. And those sacrifices will develop character and fill your family with God's perfect love.
Compassion. As you and your family grow in your love for one another, you will feel compassion for each other. We are counseled to demonstrate compassion by "succor[ing] the weak, lift[ing] up the hands that hang down, and strengthen[ing] the feeble knees" (D&C 81:5). By serving one another, you will cultivate a feeling of compassion. Our baptismal covenant also requires that we have compassion for one another. We are to "mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). Fathers, have compassion for your wives. Acknowledge what they are feeling and mourn with them. Wives, have compassion for your husbands. Recognize the burden that is placed upon them at this time, and let them know you are aware of their suffering. Parents, have compassion for your children and show increased patience with them as they sort through their feelings. As you do this, you will inevitably become better friends in your family, and be strengthened as you face this challenge.
Work. Keeping the home functional will require every member of the family to pitch in. Mothers suffering from postpartum depression often have a diminished ability to perform daily tasks as they used to. This will require work on the part of the father and children. Work can be a blessing that helps families to get through difficult times with more joy. Elder Uchtdorf discussed how he and his family used work to cope with their severe trials following World War II. He said, "It wasn't easy, but the work kept us from dwelling too much on the difficulties of our circumstances. Although our situation didn't change overnight, it did change. That's the thing about work. If we simply keep at it|steady and constant|things certainly will improve".5 Work will help you and your family not to dwell on the difficult situation you are in, and it will open the door to solutions you may not have even thought possible.
Wholesome recreational activities. While there is much work to be done, it is important that your family spend time together doing things they enjoy. You may remember the story of Joseph Smith responding to criticism for spending time playing. He shared a parable of a hunter and a prophet. The prophet was engaged in some type of amusement, and the hunter came along to scold him for it. The prophet then asked the hunter if he kept his bow strung up at all times. The hunter responded that he did not because the bow would lose its elasticity. The prophet responded, "It is just so with my mind. I do not want it strung up all the time".2 As Joseph Smith illustrated in this story, it is important to not be "strung up all the time." We must find balance. You and your family need to take time to play. Wholesome recreational activities provide an opportunity for relaxation and a time to give your metaphoric bows a rest. This will help to decrease stress, and in turn, allow for greater ease for all involved in the recovery process.
As you and your family allow the light of the Gospel to guide your steps through the darkened path of postpartum depression, you will find the healing solace you seek. Applying the power of Christ's Atonement and building on basic gospel principles will give your family the strength you need to come out on top.
Written by Amy M. Scoville, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
References
- Eyring, H. B. (2009, November). Our perfect example. Ensign, 70-73.
- Hartley, W. G. (1979, December). What Joseph Smith wanted for young people. Tambuli, 35.
- Holland, J. R. (2006, May). Broken things to mend. Ensign, 69-71.
- Oaks, D. H. (2006, November). He heals the heavy laden. Ensign, 6-9.
- Uchtdorf, D. F. (2009, November). Two principles for any economy. Ensign, 55-58.
- Morrison, Alexander B. (2005, October). Myths about Mental Illness. Ensign.