Why Infants Cry and How to Respond

It’s 3:00 in the morning. For the past few weeks you’ve only gotten 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and you are exhausted. Your newborn baby won’t stop crying. You feel like you’ve tried everything to get her to stop and you don’t know what else to do. You can’t help but ask in frustration, “Why are you crying?” You are not alone in asking this question. For many years, parents and researchers alike have tried to answer the question “why do babies cry?” and the more important question, “what can I do about it?” This article will try to answer these questions, as well give you some useful techniques to help calm your baby (and yourself) down.

Why Babies Cry

Many theories exist that try to explain why babies cry. A few of these theories will be presented here, and you are invited to decide for yourself which theory sounds the most correct to you, and which most seems to apply to your infant. You may even find that you agree with parts of each theory. Keep in mind that there is no foolproof way to study infants so even though these theories may get close to the real reason, there is no theory or research that can decidedly say, “This is why babies cry.”

Evolutionary Theory

Evolutionary theory states that our traits, especially those that we are born with, have evolved over thousands of years. According to this theory, there are characteristics in every species that make it more likely that an individual will survive. So an evolutionary perspective of infant’s crying tells us that crying is an adaptive trait and that its purpose is to help the baby survive. Crying accomplishes the purpose of survival by signaling to adult caregivers that the baby needs something.⁹

According to evolutionary theory, this need for survival is why baby’s cries are so piercing, loud and hard to listen to. Because adults want the sound to stop, they are more likely to give the baby what they need to survive. When babies are first born, they don’t have control over their crying. That’s because crying is a reflex, just as sucking, and clenching their fists. You can see how all of these reflexes can help babies stay alive. Imagine if a baby couldn’t suck. How would they eat? Imagine if a baby didn’t cry. How would you know that they needed something? In the evolutionary context, it’s easy to see that crying may be adaptive and necessary for a baby’s survival.¹³

Behaviorist Theory

Behaviorism is the idea that all behavior is learned through rewards and punishments.¹⁶ The theory of behaviorism has been around for some time and is supported by many other studies, although most researchers don’t believe that all behavior is learned only through positive and negative stimulus. Behaviorism predicts that babies and children will learn their behavior through rewards, like attention or food, and punishments, like getting a toy taken away. For example, if a toddler gets a treat every time she goes potty on the toilet, behaviorism predicts that eventually she will learn that it’s good to go potty on the toilet. Or, if a brother gets his toy taken away every time he hits his sister, behaviorism would suggest that he will learn to not hit his sister.

When applied to infants, behaviorism claims that as parents respond to their baby’s crying by feeding them or giving them attention, the baby will learn to cry when they are hungry, or need attention. Is this a good or a bad thing? Some parents would rather not instantly give their baby food when they cry so that they won’t expect food whenever they cry. They want their babies to learn to soothe themselves, and to discover better ways to communicate their needs than just crying. When it comes to a newborn though, it’s better to meet their needs right away, as you’ll see when we get to Attachment Theory.

Another aspect of behaviorism is how babies can influence their parents. Babies can train their parents to meet their needs by crying when they need something, and since the parents want them to stop, they will give the baby what they need. Then the baby responds in a positive way, by smiling or cooing, or even just removing the negative stimulus of crying. This makes the parents want to continue meeting their needs, because their baby rewards them with positive stimulus, or by ending the negative behavior. Imagine that your baby is crying so you pick her up and cuddle her. She stops crying, and gives you a big smile and coo. Because of this, you know that you gave your baby what she needed, and you want to continue to give her what she needs in the future. You receive the double reward of a smile, and the end of the crying. Your baby is training you to respond to her needs!

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, and since then, this theory has been confirmed again and again by other researchers. In the social sciences today, most experts agree with the basic ideas of attachment theory. Attachment theory claims that babies develop a connection to their caregiver by consistently having their needs met by that caregiver. There are four different types of attachment, but the one research tells us we want our children to have is a secure attachment. This means that a baby knows that their needs will be met by a warm and receptive caregiver and they have confidence that when they need something, they will be responded to. There is also an adaptive element of crying in this theory. Evolutionary theory says that crying is adaptive to get the infant food, but attachment theory teaches that crying is adaptive because it keeps caregivers close so the baby can develop an attachment to them.⁵

How do you know if your baby has a secure attachment? What does secure attachment look like? As a secure baby gets older,they will use their primary caregiver (usually their mom) as kind of a “home base.” When they are playing independently, they want Mom to be close by so they can access her at any time, but they are happy to play and explore. If Mom leaves, they will be upset, but when she comes back, they will take comfort from her presence and be happy to go play again. Research tells us that securely attached babies grow into securely attached children and there are a lot of positive outcomes including higher social ability, better thinking about symbolic things such as love, freedom, etc., and being better at expressing and controlling their feelings.^4,10,15

So how do you help your baby develop a secure attachment? It is important to be warm and responsive to your baby’s needs. If you quickly and consistently respond to your baby’s cues and clues with what they need, they will learn to count on you as their caregiver. They will feel safe and secure and confident that if they make their needs known, they will be met. This is especially true for newborns (up until about 3 months).

The Crying Cycle

Most experts believe that there is a normal developmental pattern of crying. Crying tends to consistently increase for the first month and a half or so and peaks around 6-8 weeks. Then crying tends to decline.² The increase of crying is because babies have an immature regulatory system which makes it difficult for them to calm down on their own. As they get older though, they start to be able to regulate their bodies so they have a little more control over when they cry. They also start to employ a social smile, or smile because someone else is smiling at them. At about 3 months, babies’ crying becomes more intentional because they have reached a developmental stage where they can be more interactive.² Most babies cry on average between 110 and 118 minutes throughout one day (that’s almost 2 hours per day of crying) and they usually decrease to about 72 minutes throughout the day by about 3 months.¹⁸ That is to say, crying is normal!

This crying cycle generally applies to all babies but it varies from infant to infant. For example, your baby may have a temperament that makes them easier to soothe, meaning they might not cry very much in general. Even so, you will probably notice that they cry a little more at 4 weeks than they did at 2 weeks, and after 6 or 8 weeks, you may notice that they are crying less and less. This is also true for infants who may have a more reactive temperament. Even though they may cry more than a baby with a calmer disposition, the trend is generally the same.

How Do I as a Parent Appropriately Respond to My Baby?

Newborns (Birth to 3 Months). If your newborn is crying, respond promptly and consistently, especially when you know they are probably hungry.Babies have small stomachs that can only hold a couple of teaspoons at a time. Keep that in mind when it seems like you just barely fed your baby and they are already acting hungry. It’s very likely that they could be hungry again.

It’s not the end of the world if you take a shower and realize they were crying for 10 minutes, but in general be as consistent as you can. You cannot “spoil” a newborn. You won’t teach a newborn patience by deliberately withholding food, comfort, etc. when they are crying. In fact, there is research that has found that if you respond quickly to your baby when they are younger, it may reduce crying when they are older.⁶

If your baby just ate and you know they aren’t hungry, but they are still crying there are other things you can try. Swaddling--wrapping your baby up tightly in a blanket--seems to be effective, especially for babies younger than 8 weeks. Swaddling can do the following:

1. Help babies calm down
2. Cry less
3. Induce sleep
4. Help your baby sleep longer.¹⁹

There are many swaddling methods, so do a little research and find what seems to work best for your baby. Always keep in mind when swaddling to keep blankets looser around the hips and legs so that the hip joints can develop normally. Another thing to remember is that the combination of swaddling and laying a baby on their back to sleep can increase the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), especially if the baby is old enough to try to roll over.²⁰

Above 3 Months. As your baby gets older and becomes more capable of recognizing you as their parent and caregiver, if you soothe them and comfort them, they will begin to form a mental picture of a parent who loves them, and over time they will believe that they are worthy of attention.They will begin to think of you as the main source of comfort and support.¹⁴ You don’t necessarily have to offer food every time they cry, but your baby still needs you to be responsive. Your baby will slowly start to realize that they can manipulate their environment by crying when they need something and smiling and cooing when you do something they like. Infants are not born with the ability to manipulate, they learn it. Manipulation in this context is not a bad thing; it’s good for babies to realize that they can control their situation by communicating their needs.

At this point your baby could start to realize that whenever they cry they will get food, so they might cry whenever they want food. They also may start to think that any time they are upset; they can be comforted with food. This might not be a good thing and could set them up for childhood obesity and negative patterns such as using food for comfort.⁷ If you know they aren’t hungry, you could try something else such as:

• Interacting by making faces, cooing, playing, etc.
• Putting them in a swing
• Offering a pacifier
• Making sure their diaper is clean
• Picking them up and walking them around, they may be bored.
• Putting them in a quieter place, they could be over stimulated.

If you know your baby needs to eat soon,pay attention to their pre-cry cues. If you offer food before they start screaming, you may be able to avoid more extreme crying. When they start acting hungry, offer them food. If they do start crying intensely, try to hold them calmly, or use skin-to-skin contact until they’ve calmed down enough to eat.⁸

Sleep Training

Sleep training is basically trying to help your baby sleep through the night. These techniques can be good, but be wary if you ever see that a certain technique can train your baby in a really short amount of time, or if they recommend starting before 3 months. If you breastfeed your baby, they will probably need to wake up during the night to eat, since breast milk is digested more easily than formula.¹

There are many effective techniques to sleep train your baby such as:

The Cry-it-Out Method (also called Extinction), where the baby is placed in the crib and allowed to cry themselves to sleep with no other intervention. The goal here is to help babies fall asleep by themselves. This can be stressful for parents since the baby may cry for a long time before falling asleep.

The Controlled Crying Method (also called Graduated Extinction), where parents allow the baby to cry for a predetermined amount of time (5 or 10 minutes) before going in to soothe the baby. The time between soothing is increased. The goal here is to help a baby learn to self-soothe and fall asleep themselves.

Positive Routines involve parents establishing a consistent routine every night that helps signal to the baby that it’s time to sleep. A positive bedtime routine could include a relaxing bath, getting into pajamas, reading a story and singing a lullaby before putting the baby in their crib.

Faded Bedtime is when parents start a bedtime routine at the time the baby naturally goes to sleep, and then every day they do the routine a little earlier until the baby starts going to sleep at the desired time.¹¹

If you aren’t having any success with sleep training, you may want to consider waiting until your baby is closer to 5 or 6 months old and eating solid foods (like rice cereal) to train them to sleep through the night. They may just be getting too hungry to go without eating for so long, which is why waiting until they can eat solid foods may be a good idea. That way they will have a little more in their stomach to make it all the way through the night.

If something isn’t working for you and your baby, adapt it, change it, and do what feels better to you. Remember, these are just suggestions. Every baby is different, and only you can know for sure what works and what doesn’t work for your baby.

Colic

Colic is a term that gets applied to abroad category of negative infant emotion. Commonly, colic is defined as fussiness that persists over time. The rule of threes says that in order to be classified as a colicky baby, the baby needs to cry for more than 3 hours per day, 3 days a week for more than 3 months (Wessel et al., 1954). Other researchers feel that a baby doesn’t really have colic unless they also have a medical ailment such as a food intolerance or acid reflux.

Colic is a diagnosis of exclusion which means that in order to diagnose colic all other factors have to be eliminated. Because of this, it’s hard to tell if your baby is colicky, or if they are in pain or sick. If your baby is crying more than you find normal, you may want to consult your doctor to check for the following:

Acid reflux

Feeding difficulties such as problems latching, inverted nipples, etc.

Functional Lactose Overload (when breast milk doesn’t have enough fat, so the milk goes through the baby’s system too quickly. Undigested lactose can then ferment in the colon causing frothy stools, crying, and the desire to eat all the time).

Food allergy—if you are breastfeeding you may want to stop eating dairy products, soy, wheat, nuts, and fish.

Infection (especially urinary tract infection).⁸

If there is nothing else wrong with your baby besides excessive crying, there is very little that can be done to treat colic besides soothing techniques that have already been explained. Keep in mind that your baby won’t be colicky forever. In fact, only 5% of babies continue to be excessively fussy by 5 months (Schmid, 2009). Some babies just have a more reactive temperament and have a harder time soothing themselves.

What To Do When Baby Won’t Stop Crying

Sometimes a baby will just cry for no obvious reason. If you have tried everything to soothe your baby, you know they aren’t hungry, they have a clean diaper and onesie on, you’ve offered a pacifier, and you know they aren’t in pain or have a fever, you may have to accept that they are just going to cry. If this becomes too stressful of an experience and you feel the need to hurt your baby, get out the situation immediately. Give the baby to a spouse, or call a neighbor or family member so you can calm yourself down. NEVER SHAKE YOUR BABY. If no one is available to help you, put the baby in his crib, close the door and walk away for a few minutes. Go where you can’t hear him crying and calm yourself down. Once you feel able to handle the situation, then go back and try again.⁸ It is very hard to deal with a screaming baby and it’s almost impossible if you are frustrated.

You Are The Parent, You Know What To Do

It is easy to feel inadequate as a parent and to feel frustrated if you don’t understand why your baby is crying. But remember, you are your child’s parent. You spend the most time with them; you are the person who is best equipped to help them. It may take some practice, but soon you will learn what your infant wants and/or needs. Have confidence in your parenting. As you grow in your relationship with your baby you will know better than anyone.

Additional Resources

This chart shows you how big your baby’s stomach is at birth, at 3 days and at 10 days:http://www.ameda.com.au/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-benefits/your-newborns-stomach-day-110.html

A step-by-step guide to swaddling:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/how-to-swaddle-a-baby/SLS-20076006?s=1

Zero to Three is a nonprofit website with many resources to help early child development:http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/

Here is some more useful information about Colic:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/colic/basics/definition/con-20019091

This site gives some useful advice about sleep training:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-the-basics_1505715.bc?page=1

Written by Amberly Stevens, Research Assistant, edited by Chris Porter and Stephen F. Duncan, professors in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

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