Making the Case for Marriage

In a recent report from the National Marriage Project, researchers David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead write, "Marriage is a fundamental social institution. It is central to the nurture and raising of children. It is the 'social glue' that reliably attaches fathers to children. It contributes to the physical, emotional and economic health of men, women and children, and thus to the nation as a whole. It is also one of the most highly prized of all human relationships and a central life goal of most Americans".⁶

According to a recent study, most Americans say that having a happy marriage is either the most important or a very important goal in their lives. Yet Americans are becoming less likely to marry, and the chance a marriage will end in divorce is between 40% and 50%. Scholars Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher describe this state of affairs as a "postmarriage" culture. More and more people simply don't believe marriage is necessary anymore.¹⁰

Alternatives to Marriage

Increasingly, couples are choosing to "cohabit," or live together without getting married. More than half of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation. A majority of young people believes this is a good idea. They hope that by living together they can find out more about their partners, test their compatibility, avoid divorce, or prevent getting stuck in an unhappy marriage.⁶

But while marriage and cohabitation relationships may appear very similar, in fact they are very different. Couples who live together report lower levels of happiness, more uncertainty in their relationships, and a high breakup rate.⁶ They also have more conflict and arguing in their relationships and less equality between partners. If they marry, they are more likely to get divorced and more likely to have problems with adultery, alcohol, and drugs. They tend not to be as close to one another as those who did not cohabit before marrying, continuing the style they learned during cohabitation of keeping separate finances and thinking separately about future plans.⁸

Much of the lesser relationship benefits experienced by cohabitating couples results from their lower commitment to making the relationship work. Studies show cohabiting couples are less faithful and less willing to support each other emotionally and financially. The most dangerous effect of cohabitation may be that it changes people's attitudes about marriage. When people live together, they come to believe that marriage isn't as important or as lasting as they once believed. This attitude makes marriage less likely for those who have cohabited and less successful if they do marry.⁶

Marriage as a Legal and Social Institution

Marriage is not merely a private relationship but a legal and social institution.¹⁰ It is a legally binding contract. The government views married couples differently than it views cohabiting couples on many issues, including taxes, poverty levels, social security benefits, and medical benefits.

Marriage changes the way people think about themselves, their spouses, others, and the future. It also changes the way they act. Husbands and wives do unselfish things for each other and for their families that they are less likely to do alone. Marriage is a public contract with rules people are expected to follow. For example, spouses have made vows before God and their community that they will help one another and stay together during tough times.

These social expectations foster the development of adult identity. Steve Nock's studies focusing on married men showed that marriage helps men define their masculinity as they fulfill their roles as fathers, providers, and protectors.⁴

Individuals who are married find they develop more of their whole selves. In today's fragmented society, different spheres of life such as home, work, school, and friends are often completely separate. Co-workers and classmates generally see only a small part of a person's full personality. A marriage relationship is often the only place where a person can enjoy being his or her whole self. When two people are fully committed to one another, they can come to understand one another deeply and fulfill their roles most completely.²

Benefits of Marriage: An Overview

Married people enjoy better physical, mental, and emotional health, better financial position, and a higher level of happiness than do unmarried people ("unmarried" refers to single, divorced, cohabiting, and widowed people). Marriage helps people feel they are important and loved completely by another person. The specialization of labor allows couples to enjoy twice the talent, brain power, and special skills in their home. This allows couples to achieve more together than they could alone and thus fosters a sense of accomplishment.

According to researcher VanDenBerghe, marriage is the "ultimate meaningful role in society." Being married means having someone to help with problems, someone to listen, and someone to trust. Waite and Gallagher call this the "marital insurance benefit" because spouses can insure one another against life's uncertainties (to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the quality of the marriage). Husbands and wives can complain about their jobs, discuss problems, plan for the future, and feel comfortable being themselves at home.^8,10

Some researchers argue that marriage is not the reason for these benefits but rather that those who marry are already healthier, wealthier, and happier. This is called the "selection theory" -- marriage "selects" for people who are better off to begin with. While selection does account for some of the differences between married and unmarried people, most researchers agree that it doesn't explain all the benefits of marriage. They agree that marriage itself creates many of the benefits.

Physical Benefits of Marriage

Study after study has consistently shown that married people across cultures have better physical health than unmarried people. In general, marriage provides husbands and wives with another person to help monitor their health and to encourage taking care of themselves. Those with spouses are more likely to feel a sense of meaning in their lives and a responsibility for their loved ones that encourages good health habits.⁹ These benefits also helps marriage partners handle stress better. Of course, the marriage must be a happy one to include these benefits. As the quality of a marriage increases, so does health.¹⁰

Specific health benefits include:

• Less alcoholism. Researcher Robert Coombs found that married men have lower rates of alcoholism than their unmarried counterparts. Single men were more than three times as likely as married men to die of cirrhosis of the liver, an alcohol-related problem. Researchers believe that wives offer encouragement, support, and protection from daily problems that could otherwise lead men to using alcohol. When married men do become alcoholics, they show higher recovery rates than unmarried men.¹
• Less suicide. Numerous studies have found that married men and women have lower suicide rates than unmarried men and women, probably because a meaningful primary relationship gives people a sense of personal value and a feeling of responsibility to others. Married people also tend to have a larger social network of friends and relatives¹, which protects against suicide.
• Less illness, accidents, and murder. Married people are less likely to die from all causes, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, car accidents, and murder.¹⁰ They spend less time in hospitals and have higher recovery rates, including recovery from cancer, probably because they enjoy the care and concern of a spouse.¹ There's even evidence that social support boosts the immune system, making married people less likely to catch a cold.¹⁰For both men and women, the longer they are married, the healthier they are likely to be compared to others.¹⁰ The rate of mortality for unmarried women is 50% higher than for married women. For unmarried men, the rate of mortality is 250% higher than for married men.¹⁰ The lower mortality rate for married men is stunning. When men marry, better health is an almost immediate benefit because they quickly reduce risk-taking behavior such as drinking alcohol, smoking, driving too fast, and getting into fights.¹⁰ Also, wives tend to foster good health by cooking nutritious food, encouraging good sleep habits, and scheduling doctor appointments.¹⁰While women generally don't engage in as much risk-taking behavior as men do in the first place, they also gain improved health when they marry. Studies show this benefit results mostly from better income, better access to medical coverage, better nutrition, and living in safer neighborhoods.

Emotional Benefits of Marriage

One of the most consistent findings in the study of psychiatric diseases is that married people enjoy better emotional health than the unmarried.¹¹ For example:

• Less mental illness. Compared to unmarried people, married people are less likely to suffer from all types of mental disorders or to need treatment for mental disorders.² Married men and women have the lowest levels of schizophrenia and the lowest rates of depression compared to the unmarried.¹ Cohabiting couples are five times more likely to be depressed and those who are divorced are four times more likely to be depressed.⁷
• Less stress. Studies show that married men and women tend to handle stress and anxiety better. Having a spouse who depends on you can be powerful motivation to do well in work and to persevere through stressful situations. Spouses provide emotional support and encouragement for each other, and they help balance life.
• Less loneliness. In a study conducted by the University of Idaho, loneliness was defined as the absence of satisfying relationships, not just being alone. Marital status was found to be the most important predictor of feeling lonely. Only 4.6% of the married sample reported feeling lonely compared to 14.5% of the never-married and about 20.5% of the divorced and widowed.⁷ Married persons have someone to share their thoughts, feelings, and lives with, and thus they are less likely to feel lonely.
• Better psychological well-being. Waite and Gallagher define psychological well-being as "feeling hopeful, happy, and good about oneself.¹⁰ Those in good emotional health feel energetic, eager to get going, and connected to others". Studies show that married people are more likely to report feeling hopeful, happy, and good about themselves.² According to Coombs, "no part of the unmarried population-separated, divorced, widowed, or never married-describes itself as being so happy and contented with life as the married".¹

Selection plays a small part in these findings, since people with severe emotional problems are much less likely to marry. But a study by Marks and Lambert looked at mental health before and after marriage and discovered that it generally improved after marriage. Mental health worsened in people who were separated or divorced. This study also found that after divorce, women are especially prone to depression and decreased self-esteem.¹⁰

Researchers have found that living with another person without being married does not confer these same health benefits.¹⁰

Sexual Benefits of Marriage

Faithful, married couples are most satisfied with their sex lives of any group. According to the National Sex Survey, married couples have sex more often and enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally, than singles. Cohabiting couples have sex slightly more often but are not as satisfied.¹⁰ In addition, married men and women are least likely to lack interest in sex, to consider it unpleasurable, and to associate it with fear, anxiety, or guilt.⁸

Married couples are more sexually active and satisfied for many reasons. A spouse is a readily available partner, for example. When sex functions as an expression of unity and love, as in marriage, both partners enjoy it much more. People who are fully committed to each other are more likely to take the time to get to know what makes their partner happy and how to please them. Waite and Gallagher explain, "Demanding a loving relationship before having sex, using sex to express love, and striving to meet sexual needs of one's partner all increase satisfaction with sex".¹⁰

Sex is the ultimate expression of commitment to and love for a spouse. Marriage "offers a secure, rewarding, and emotionally safe context for displaying physical affection".⁸

Financial Benefits of Marriage

Statistics show that married couples make more money than single men and women. In 1997 the U.S. median income of married couples was approximately $47,000. This is more than the combined median income of single men ($26,000) and single women ($16,000).¹⁰ Researcher Steven Nock looked at data about men's work and income over time. He found that on the average, marriage increases income by $1,800 for every year of marriage. Married men work an average of two weeks more than unmarried men, which explains some of the gain in pay but not all. Researchers believe that as men fulfill the traditional role of breadwinner and provider, they are more motivated to work hard and to gain prestige in their jobs. They take pride in their role as head of the family and care about meeting the needs of their families. As the marriage lasts, a man's commitment to work and to prestige in his career continue to increase.⁴

Wives play an important part in the increased income married people enjoy. Waite found wives help their husbands earn more by giving advice and support, by taking the greater share of household chores so husbands have more time and energy for work, and by encouraging good habits of sleeping and eating that result in lower rates of missing work and make husbands less likely to be fired.⁹ Wives also serve as an incentive for men to perform well at work and to earn a steady income. The level of a wife's education is a strong predictor of her husband's earnings. When she is well educated, she can be a greater help to her husband in establishing healthy habits, gathering information, helping to analyze career decisions, and offering good advice.¹⁰ Waite and Gallagher write, "For a male worker, a wife is a secret weapon, giving him, over time, a powerful competitive advantage over his unmarried coworkers".¹⁰

The financial benefits of marriage for women are a bit more complicated. While married women share in the advantages of their husband's higher incomes and enjoy better access to health care, nutrition, housing, and safer jobs than unmarried women, marriage increases a woman's housework and chores.³ Some feminists argue that for this reason marriage decreases women's earnings. Their argument holds true for married women who are also mothers, but not for childless married women. In fact, married women without children earn at least as much as single women. Married women with children have lower earnings because they do not work as much as women without children.¹⁰ It is having children, not whether a woman is married or not, that reduces her earnings.¹⁰ Married mothers are more likely to have the choice to stay at home or to work less, which usually means lower paying part-time jobs. As long as a woman stays married, though, whether a mother or not, she enjoy the benefits of her husband's increased income.

Married couples also benefit financially because they are able to save more money. By living together, they can share goods and services like a TV, microwave, furniture, appliances, and utilities. Waite explains, "Two can live cheaply as one - or maybe one and a half".⁹

Spouses also have the opportunity to combine their strengths. When marriage partners pool their resources, both people benefit. For example, a husband who is skilled at fixing things can save a family a great deal of money, as can a wife who is skilled at managing money. Specialization also allows husband and wife to be more productive because they can concentrate on the things they do best and can rely on their spouse for help with things they're less good at. One husband describes his wife as, "a great budgeter - one of the great shoppers . . .. and she makes a lot of the things we use. She made [my] suit . . . She's responsible for our having a fine life. I give her money and she makes it go farther than I could ever make it go. She makes a lot more money for us at home than she could [at work]".¹⁰

Marriage also encourages investing and saving money for family-oriented things like a house, a car, and children's education.⁹ Married people tend to be more responsible with their money because they have more obligations to others. They spend less on themselves than the divorced, never married, and widowed.⁸

The government recognizes the advantages of being married in setting the poverty level. A couple needs only 30% more income to avoid being poor than a single person needs.¹⁰

The financial benefits of marriage become even clearer when contrasted with divorce. Two households are far more expensive than one. After a divorce, the standard of living of the family drops 25%.¹⁰

Cohabiting couples tend to keep finances separate and miss out on most of the financial benefits of marriage.⁵

Benefits to Children of Having Married Parents

Children who live with their married, biological parents enjoy many advantages over children who live with a single parent or with a remarried parent. Advantages include:

• Better academic performance. Children living with two biological parents perform better in school and are less likely to drop out. They have higher test scores and grade point averages and are more likely to go to college and finish college.⁷ Later in life, they have better jobs, higher incomes, and lower unemployment rates. Children of single parents are more likely to repeat a grade, to rank in the bottom half of their class, and to be expelled or suspended from school.¹⁰ Single parents have less time to help with homework, to attend meetings with teachers, and to monitor their child's schoolwork. Because many single parents are poor and uneducated, they tend to have lower academic expectations of their children and don't feel school is as important as do married couples.⁷ Children of single parents also tend to have lower ambitions. McLanahan and Sandefur found that sons of single parents were more likely to be idle (not working or going to school) than sons of married parents.⁷
• Less criminal behavior. Neighborhoods with a majority of single parents (usually mothers), have higher crime rates than neighborhoods with two-parent families, probably because fathers "informally but effectively control boys on the street".⁷ Children of married parents are less likely to turn to gangs and crime for social support than children of single parents. Adolescents with only one parent are more likely to be influenced by peers and more likely to turn to gangs and crime if a parent is not there to support them.⁷
• Less premarital sex. Daughters of single mothers don't usually turn to crime, as do boys, but rather tend to experiment with premarital sex. The reason could be that without a father in the home, they turn to other males to find a loving relationship. Girls ages 12 to 14 growing up in single-parent homes are two to three times more likely to have sex than girls in two-parent homes.¹⁰ Daughters of divorced parents are about three times more likely to leave home early because of friction and to have a baby out-of-wedlock than girls from two-parent homes.¹⁰ They tend to have little parental guidance, low hopes of attending college, and low hopes of finding a good job.⁷
• Less vulnerability to peer pressure. Living with two married parents provides protection against peer pressure and other delinquent behavior. Teenagers living with both their mother and father are less likely to try drugs or alcohol than teens living in single-parent homes. Studies show that married parents have more influence on their children than single parents do. Consequently, teens from two-parent homes are more likely to listen to their parents about things like keeping out of trouble, working hard, and following rules.¹⁰
• Stronger parent-child emotional bonds. Emotional ties between parents and children are stronger in married homes. Adult children raised by both a mother and father rate their relationship with their parents higher than those from divorced or unwed families.¹⁰ A healthy parent-child bond helps children work hard, follow rules, and stay out of trouble. Children of divorce are most often raised by their mother, and their relationship with their father tends to weaken and sometimes disappears.¹⁰ A child's relationship with a single mother is more likely to suffer because she usually has less time to spend with him and is under more stress.
• Better emotional health. Divorce can injure children emotionally. Research has found increased depression, anxiety, tension, nervousness, and disruptive behavior in children of divorce.⁷ These repercussions don't always improve over time.¹⁰
• Better physical health. Even a child's physical health benefits from living with both parents. Married homes tend to provide more supervision, which prevents accidents. And because of the greater financial stability that marriage provides, children of married parents generally have better health care. Divorce makes it 50% more likely that a child will have health problems.¹⁰ Babies born to unwed mothers are 2.4 times more likely to die than those born to married mothers.⁷
• Less abuse. Children living with both biological parents are at lower risk for being abused. Stepfathers and boyfriends abuse children at far higher rates than biological fathers. "Living with a stepparent has turned out to be the most powerful predictor of severe child abuse yet".¹⁰ Without the biological tie between father and child, men are more likely to take out their aggression on children.
• Less poverty. Children of two-parent families are largely protected from poverty and the many disadvantages that it brings, such as high levels of stress, poor health, low academic achievement, and a weak social support system.¹⁰ "The vast majority of children who are raised entirely in a two-parent home will never be poor during childhood. By contrast, the vast majority of children who spend time in a single-parent home will experience poverty".⁷ Families headed by single mothers are the poorest of all demographic groups.⁷ Poverty can include many harmful side effects. Studies show that poor parents tend to be less warm and caring than financially stable parents, give less positive emotional support, and are more likely to use harsh discipline on their children.¹⁰

The Harm of Divorce

Sadly, between 40% and 50% of all marriages today end in divorce. Legal changes have made divorce easier, and the stigma of divorce has largely disappeared. While this more accepting attitude is sometimes compassionate, too much acceptance of divorce can damage surviving marriages. In fact, adopting favorable ideas about divorce actually tends to lower the quality of a person's marriage.¹⁰

Divorce also can become a downward spiral that is not easily broken; research shows that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves.¹⁰

One common myth about divorce is that children are better off when parents in conflict separate. This is not necessarily true. Research shows that only children whose parents have very high conflict experience relief when their parents divorce.¹⁰ Less than 30% of divorces end these high-conflict marriages. A small minority of divorces benefit children. Most divorces leave children worse off.

Children don't care if their parents are deeply in love. As long as their parents are not fighting every day, children thrive when they have two parents.¹⁰ Amato and Booth conclude that it is not unreasonable for parents to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. Those who do persist often find that their marriages improve. In fact, most marriages get better over time; permanent unhappiness is very rare. One study found that 86% of couples who stayed together despite difficulties reported being much happier five years after the troubled period.¹⁰

Costs of Divorce to Society

As more marriages fall apart, communities become weaker. Marital distress lowers work productivity, and some research shows that poor social relationships are as harmful to physical health as cigarette smoking. Everyone carries the burdens of divorce, which include higher crime, welfare, and poverty, and less education and health care. These added costs are paid by all: taxpayers, citizens, and neighbors.

Taking Action

Waite and Gallagher suggest several ways communities can support and strengthen marriage:

1. Get the Message Out About Marriage. Citizens everywhere have the responsibility to let others know that marriage matters. Divorce is damaging too many families. As a citizen you can speak out about strong marriages as a public health issue. Every couple can support the case for marriage by strengthening their own marriage. If you know of others who are struggling, listen to them, encourage them, and do all you can to help them avoid divorce. Help them understand that their marriage is worth fighting for.
2. Get the Facts. Part of getting the word out is getting the facts right. Unfortunately, government agencies tend to put a low priority on collecting data about marriage. Without data, researchers can't assess and understand what's happening to families. As a citizen, encourage both federal and state governments to put a greater emphasis on collecting information about marriage and divorce.
3. Create pro-marriage tax and welfare policies. Changes are needed in the federal tax code and welfare policies to better support marriage. They include eliminating marriage penalties in the tax code, increasing the new child credit so that it accurately reflects expenses, and structuring child-care benefits so they don't punish married couples who choose to have one parent care for their children rather than be employed.
4. Change laws to strengthen marriage. Making it more difficult to get a divorce (such as increasing the waiting period for no-fault divorces) would affirm the importance of the marriage commitment. States could follow the innovative example of Florida. In Florida, couples seeking to marry pay reduced marriage license fees, and high school students are required to complete a course in marriage and relationship skills.
5. Enlist religious and community support. Most marriage ceremonies occur in churches, providing an opportunity for clergy and congregations to require marriage preparation.
6. Scrutinize policies for unintended anti-marriage consequences. When drafting policies, all organizations should consider the effects on marriage. For example, under current federal healthcare policy, if an indigent single woman becomes pregnant, Medicaid will help cover costs. But if the woman gets married, both she and her husband become ineligible for Medicaid and other insurances, providing an incentive to postpone marriage.
7. Discourage unmarried pregnancy and childbearing. Speak out against media, magazines, and sports figures that glorify unmarried pregnancy and childbearing.
8. Rethink domestic-partnership legislation. Extending marriage benefits to cohabiting couples sends a message that cohabitation is equivalent to marriage. This message is dangerously false. On average, cohabiting couples are less faithful, less settled in their lives, more likely to be violent, less committed, and less happy than married couples. Giving the benefits of marriage to those who refuse to take on the responsibilities of marriage is unfair and unwise.

Written by Jennifer Crockett and Marisa Beebe, Research Assistants, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

1. Coombs, R. H. (1991). Marital status and personal well-being: A literature review. Family Relations. 40, 97-105.
2. Gove, W., Style, C., & Hughes, M. (1990). The effect of marriage on the well-being of adults: A theoretical analysis. Journal of Family Issues. 11 (1). 4-35.
3. Lillard, L. A. & Waite, L. J. (1995). ‘Til death do us part: Marital disruption and mortality. American Journal of Sociology. 100 (5), 1131-1156.
4. Nock, S. (1998). Marriage in men’s lives. New York: Oxford University Press.
5. Popenoe, D. & Whitehead B. D. (1999). Should we live together? Rutgers University: The National Marriage Project: Publication.
6. Popenoe, D. & Whitehead B. D. (2000). The state of our unions 2000. Rutgers University: The National Marriage Project. Retrieved January 25, 2001 from http://www.stateofourunions.org/pdfs/SOOU2000.pdf
7. Stanton, G. T. (1997). Why marriage matters: Reasons to believe in marriage in postmodern society. Colorado Springs: Pinon.
8. VanDenBerghe, E. (2000). The enduring, happy marriage: Findings and implications from research. In D. C. Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our families: An In-depth look at the proclamation on the family (pp. 16–28). Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft.
9. Waite, L. J. (1995). Does marriage matter? Demography, 32(4). 483-507.
10. Waite, L. & Gallagher, M. (2000). The case for marriage. New York: Doubleday.
11. Williams, D. R., Takeuchi, D. T., & Adair, R. K. (1992). Marital status and psychiatric disorders among blacks and whites. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 33, 140-157.

Marriage in the Lord

While many people today see marriage as little more than a social custom, for Latter-day Saints marriage is a profoundly serious commitment. As the church manual Gospel Principles explains, "Our exaltation depends on marriage. We believe that marriage is the most sacred relationship that can exist between a man and a woman. This sacred relationship affects our happiness now and in the eternities".¹

Blessings from Marriage

God created men and women so they might have joy (see 2 Nephi 2:25), especially joy in marriage. If couples work at retaining the feelings they had for each other when their marriages began, they will find their love and joy growing and deepening over time.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed his feelings about his own marriage: "The sweet companionship of eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has granted to His children. Certainly, the many years I have shared with my beautiful companion have brought me the deepest joys of my life. From the beginning of time, marital companionship of husband and wife has been fundamental to our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness".⁸

President James E. Faust emphasized the blessings that come when marital covenants are kept: "Many covenants are indispensable to happiness here and hereafter. Among the most important are the marriage covenants made between husband and wife. From these covenants flow the greatest joys of life".²

Elder Boyd K. Packer expressed similar sentiments when he said that "romance, love, marriage, and parenthood" are "the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life".⁵

In addition to joy in this life, eternal blessings await those who marry in the temple and honor their marital covenants. The Doctrine and Covenants teaches that only a man and a woman who have entered into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage can be exalted (See D&C 131:1-3). If they keep their covenants, they will

inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths . . . and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fullness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. . . . Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. (D&C 132: 19-20)

Qualifying for the Blessings of Marriage

The blessings of marriage promised in temple ceremonies are conditional. The condition is "faithful obedience to the covenants you make in the temple. If you cease to be obedient to those covenants, you lose blessings associated with the covenants. Of course, the repentance process may requalify you for those blessings".³

Elder Pinnock has counseled: "We must bring the Savior and his teachings into our homes and hearts. To really succeed, an eternal marriage must be Christ-centered".⁶

When Promised Blessings Are Delayed

Not everyone who wants to marry is able to reach that goal in this life. However, in the eternities the full blessings of marriage and family life will be available to every faithful person. Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained:

We know that many worthy and wonderful Latter-day Saints currently lack the ideal opportunities and essential requirements for their progress. Singleness, childlessness, death, and divorce frustrate ideals and postpone the fulfillment of promised blessings. In addition, some women who desire to be full-time mothers and homemakers have been literally compelled to enter the full-time workforce. But these frustrations are only temporary. The Lord has promised that in the eternities no blessing will be denied his sons and daughters who keep the commandments, are true to their covenants, and desire what is right.

Many of the most important deprivations of mortality will be set right in the Millennium, which is the time for fulfilling all that is incomplete in the great plan of happiness for all of our Father’s worthy children. We know that will be true of temple ordinances. I believe it will also be true of family relationships and experiences.⁴

In addition, both partners in a temple marriage don’t always keep their covenants. President Joseph Fielding Smith provided the following reassuring words for the faithful whose partners are less faithful:

If a man or a woman who has been sealed in the temple for time and eternity should sin and lose the right to receive the exaltation in the celestial kingdom, he or she could not retard the progress of the injured companion who had been faithful. Everyone will be judged according to his [own] works, and there would be no justice in condemning the innocent for the sins of the guilty.⁷

References

1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1997). Family salvation unit eight. Gospel Principles. Salt Lake City, UT: Author.
2. Faust, J. E. (1998, May). Search me, O God, and know my heart. Ensign, 17-19.
3. Kofford, C. (1998, June). Marriage in the Lord's way, part one. Ensign, 7-12.
4. Oaks, D. H. (1993, November). The great plan of happiness. Ensign, 75-77.
5. Packer, B. K. (1993, November). For time and all eternity. Ensign, 21-23.
6. Pinnock, H. W. (1981, September). Making a marriage work. Ensign, 33-37.
7. Smith, J. F. Doctrines of Salvation (comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 Vols. [1954-56]).
8. Wirthlin, J. B. (1997, November). Valued companions. Ensign, 32-34.