Strengthening Marriage Through Marriage Enrichment Programs Main Article LDS Perspective Expanded Version

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The prevalence of divorce, infidelity, and marital distress confirm the sad fact that the institution of marriage is not well. All married couples would be wise to educate themselves about the common problems that plague marriages today and learn strategies for safeguarding their marriage against them. Marriage enrichment programs have been created for this purpose.

A prominent scholar defines marriage enrichment as "programs designed to strengthen couples . . . so as to promote a high level of present and future family harmony and strength, and hence the long-term psychological, emotional, and social well being of family members" (Guerney, 1990, p. 1127).

Common Concerns About Marriage Enrichment Programs

Misconceptions about marriage enrichment keep too many people from taking advantage of this valuable resource. Misconceptions include "naturalism," "privatism," and a belief that enrichment programs don't work.

Naturalism

Many people believe that a high-quality, satisfying marital relationship should come naturally to normal adults. They believe the training a person receives while growing up should be enough to create a successful marriage. If a couple needs help or is having difficulties, the partners must be deficient. This belief is a myth.

Researchers Dyer and Dyer argue that simply growing up in a family does not necessarily prepare a couple to succeed. It also does not prepare an individual with the "skills necessary to maintain a relationship-oriented marriage" (1999, p. 33).

Dr. Clark E. Vincent writes that the attitude of naturalism is widespread: "Even in the most advanced technological societies of today, educated people continue to cherish, implicitly if not explicitly, this preindustrial myth that a successful marriage 'just naturally happens', unless the participants are stubborn, evil, or pathologically ill" (1973, p. 258).

But, says, Vincent, this naturalism attitude harms marriages because it keeps couples from finding ways to make their marriage strong and satisfying:

The myth of naturalism obscures the fact that marriage is the most complex relationship any two people will ever enter into-a relationship for which they usually receive less preparation than for driving a car and to which they give less creative thought annually than they give to their job weekly. Most couples are accustomed to receiving a dental checkup every six months, obtaining a physical examination at least once a year, and taking their car in to be serviced every 1,000 or 2,000 miles. But they would probably consider it irrelevant if the physician were to ask them, "When did you have your last marital checkup?" (1973, p. 258).

Privatism

Others believe the marriage relationship is so personal that no one should share information about it with non-family members. The Dyers argue that while privatism may be healthy when it comes to the family as a whole, it is harmful to couples because "it [is] like shutting the couple in a box and leaving them with little preparation and even less help for figuring out how to relate to each other in mutually satisfying ways" (1999, p. 33). Couples who insist on complete privacy cut themselves off from the many resources available to improve marital happiness. Privatism, like naturalism, is a major deterrent to marriage enrichment.

Effectiveness of Marriage Enrichment Programs

Some couples are skeptical that enrichment programs will really help their relationship. They may feel that what's taught in seminars or workshops can't realistically translate into day-to-day life. Some believe marriage enrichment programs are short-term "feel good" experiences that have no lasting benefit.

Though some programs might be inferior, scientific studies have shown that many marriage enrichment programs are, in fact, highly effective at making a lasting and positive impression on a marriage relationship. For the most part, the most effective programs focus on teaching skills, including communication methods, creative problem solving, adaptability, and conflict resolution. One study showed that skills-oriented programs have a much higher positive impact and greater long-term effect than programs oriented more toward awareness and personality perception (Giblin et al, 1985, p. 267). The same study showed that couples participating in structured programs are better off than 67% of those who do not (Giblin et al, 1985, p. 265).

Socrates said that "an unexamined life is not worth living." Likewise, an unexamined marriage, where a couple avoids learning how to enrich their relationship, may never create the fulfillment and happiness each partner hopes for.

What Marriage Enrichment Programs Are Available?

Couples can choose from many marriage enrichment programs, each created by a different organization and each with its own approach, central beliefs, and methods. Some are conducted with one couple at a time and others are held in groups. Couples should research what programs are available in their area and decide which format best suits them.

Below is a discussion of several programs with a broad range of formats. A comprehensive list of marriage enrichment centers and programs can be found at http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html.

A.C.M.E.

The Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment (A.C.M.E.) was founded by David Mace in 1973. Mace is considered by many to be "the pioneer of the development of marriage counseling in Great Britain and the United States" (Dyer & Dyer, 1999, p. 28). His work with A.C.M.E. has influenced the development of several other prominent marriage enrichment programs, including Couple Communication, Relationship Enhancement, and the Family Communication Center in conjunction with the YMCA (Dyer & Dyer, 1999, p. 29).

The central beliefs of A.C.M.E. are that "the marital relationship itself [is] the key to successful family life" and that "preventive interventions [are] more efficient and more effective than treatment" (Dyer & Dyer, 1999, p. 28-29). A.C.M.E. helps couples become more aware of their individual and partner needs and teaches them effective problem solving and communication skills. Couples can choose a weekend retreat or an ongoing weekly program. The goals for couples participating in A.C.M.E. include working as a team, communicating in warm and caring ways, and openly sharing marital experiences.

Research on A.C.M.E. has not been extensive, but what has been done shows A.C.M.E. is effective. Swicegood (1974) studied 25 couples who participated in A.C.M.E. and found that the program significantly improved couple communication and agreement between husband and wife. Another study showed A.C.M.E. significantly improved intimacy and trust between marriage partners (Michael, 1983). Dyer (1985) studied 16 couples who were randomly divided into an A.C.M.E. group and a control group. Results showed that A.C.M.E. helped couples improve in conflict resolution, egalitarian roles, and overall positive change in the relationship.

For more information about A.C.M.E call 1-800-634-8325. Website: http://www.bettermarriages.org/

Marriage Encounter

"Marriage Encounter: A Positive Preventative Enrichment Program" was created in 1952 by Father Gabriel Calvo, a Catholic priest in Barcelona, Spain. Many distressed couples in his parish sought his counsel, and he decided he could help them better if he were more familiar with the characteristics of happy, harmonious couples. He began observing the happy couples around him, then analyzed the differences between them and unhappy couples. With the information he gathered, he formed the weekend Marriage Encounter retreat.

During the retreat couples are given thirteen presentations called "steps" that revolve around four central themes: (1) self-appraisal and consideration, (2) concerns within the relationship, (3) spirituality, and (4) issues dealings with the couple as part of a community (Elin, 1999). The couple is taught about marriage as a religious relationship between God and each other, the importance of accepting and trusting each other, and that love is transcendent above all other qualities in the marital relationship.

One of Marriage Encounter's unique features is allotting couples personal reflection time throughout the weekend to write down their impressions and feelings about what they're learning. Afterward, couples share with each other their reflections. Reflecting allows couples time to assimilate and absorb the material they are being taught and facilitates discussion between the couples. Another unique feature is a ceremony on the last day of the retreat where each couple can renew their marriage vows (Elin, 1999).

A comprehensive study of Marriage Encounter was conducted by the National Institute for the Family (1990). It evaluated couples who attended Marriage Encounter from 1965 to 1989, and the results showed a majority ranked the long-term impact on intimacy and closeness as "very good." Sixty-two percent said the positive long-term impact on communication was "very high." Another researcher concluded: "Marriage Encounter programs have often received affirmations of 80% to 90% in post-weekend surveys and . . . the program demonstrates clear effectiveness when its participants are involved [in] . . . controlled pre/post-weekend research" (McManus, 1993, p. 73).

For more information about Marriage Encounter, call 1-800-828-3351.

Couple Communication

In the late 1960s at the University of Minnesota Family Study Center, a group of graduate students, Sherod Miller, Elam Nunnally, and Daniel Wackman, developed a program to help couples successfully make the transition between engagement and early marriage. This was the beginning of the Couple Communication marriage enrichment program.

This program aims to help couples (1) communicate more effectively about day-to-day issues, (2) manage and resolve conflicts, and (3) build a more viable and satisfying relationship (Miller & Sherrard, 1999, p. 126). It is a "skill learning" based program that teaches eleven specific skills. The program is offered in both private and group settings.

Studies show that couples who participated in Couple Communication feel a higher level of relationship satisfaction and increased competency in communication (Miller, 1971) and problem solving skills (Larson & Holman,1994). Research also found that highly distressed couples benefit from the program (Aldridge & Aldridge, 1983) and that the program increased self-esteem and self-disclosure (Fleming, 1977). Couple Communication is effective for couples of all ages and socioeconomic groups (Miller & Sherrard, 1999).

For more information about Couple Communication, call 1-800-328-5099. Website: http://www.couplecommunication.com

Prepare/Enrich Inventory

In response to a challenge in the late 1970s to increase the effectiveness of marriage enrichment programs in the Twin Cities, David Olson began developing what is now the PREPARE/ENRICH inventory. This program provides couples with a questionnaire that helps partners think and talk about important issues. The PREPARE/ENRICH program revolves around four preventative principles, which Olson explains as follows:

First, factors that relate to marital success need to be identified. Second, couples need to be assessed on those critical variables. Third, feedback and exercises need to be given to couples, which will help them deal with problem areas. Fourth, couples need skill-building exercises that focus on communication and conflict resolution skills. (Olson & Olson 1999)

Couples have the option of seeing a counselor who can help them interpret the results of the inventory, give them guidance, and offer skills training to improve problem areas.

Though the program originally was geared toward helping couples preparing for marriage, David Olson and his daughter Amy have developed inventories tailored for other situations. PREPARE-MC is for couples with children who are planning to marry. ENRICH is for married or cohabiting couples who want to enhance their relationship. MATE is designed for couples aged 50 or older who are planning to marry or already married but planning other major changes, including retirement (Olson & Olson, 1999).

Some scholars believe one of the reasons so few couples participate in marriage enrichment is that not enough programs determine clients' needs and direct their intervention to meet those needs (Schumm & Denton, 1979). Olson's approach addresses this issue by helping couples complete a thorough self-evaluation so they know more about themselves and each other before they enter the program. The PREPARE/ENRICH inventory helps couples know exactly where they have conflicting ideas about their relationship. It also helps their counselor/facilitator know specifically what aspects of the relationship they need to work on.

Very strong scientific research backs up the effectiveness of PREPARE/ENRICH. Four separate studies found that the PREPARE/ENRICH questionnaire predicts with 80% to 85% accuracy which couples will have a high degree of satisfaction in their marriages and which couples will have problems (Fowers and Olson, 1986; Larson & Olson, 1989).

For more information about PREPARE/ENRICH call 1-800-331-1661. Website: http://www.lifeinnovation.com

The RELATE Premarital Questionnaire

In 1980, Dr. Wesley Burr developed a questionnaire called Marriage Inventories, which he used in his university marriage preparation class. The inventory focused on the predictors for marital success and failure. As new research emerged, Burr frequently refined the inventory. In 1997 a new and improved version of the program was released called RELATE.

RELATE is unique because it is designed not only for engaged couples but also "for use with individuals or couples who are single and unattached, steady dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, or contemplating remarriage." (See http://www.relate-institute.org).

The RELATE Premarital Questionnaire is the product of twenty years of research. Two of its developers, Dr. Jeff Larson and Dr. Tom Holman, did "an exhaustive review of the social science research literature on premarital characteristics that predict later marital satisfaction. In reviewing clinical and research literature from about 1935 to the present, we found over two dozen specifics that contribute to marital satisfaction" (Larson, 2000, p. xviii).

They also found "two dozen or so specific premarital predictors [that] could be logically categorized into . . . three major factors" (Larson, 2000, p. 13). The three factors are context, individual traits, and couple traits. The context portion of the questionnaire covers a person's background, external and internal pressures, and past relationship experience. The individual traits section focuses on personality, expectations, attitudes, and skills. The couples traits section covers topics such as couple communication, similarities, pressures to marry (if any), and length of acquaintance.

Tens of thousands of couples and individuals have benefited from these questionnaires for more than 20 years. The RELATE questionnaire can be taken online for $5 per individual and $10 per couple. A results sheet shows which predictors for marital success each person is strong in and which issues a couple should talk about together and work on. Because the inventory is based on the elements that are most important to talk about when building a successful relationship, even couples who have been married for years can benefit from taking RELATE.

Recent research confirms the validity of the premarital prediction factors upon which the program is based and has verified the reliability and effectiveness of the RELATE inventory (Holman, Busby, Doxey, Klein, & Loyer-Carlson, 1997).

For more information about RELATE, see http://www.relate-institute.org; phone (801) 422-4359.

The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP)

PREP was founded by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg. It helps couples "fight for their marriages" (Stanley, Blumberg, & Markman, 1999, p. 279). The program's main focus is communication-learning which communication patterns lead to a stronger marriage and which patterns are destructive. The PREP program also teaches couples effective ways of resolving conflict. A central precept is that how couples fight is much more important that how often they fight or what they fight about. PREP teaches skills that help couples "fight fair" and handle disagreements in a way that both partners are understood and a solution can be found.

The four main goals of PREP are: (1) "teach couples better communication and conflict management strategies," (2) "aid couples in clarifying and evaluating expectations," (3) "boost understanding of and choices reflecting commitment and to enhance the positive bonding that comes from fun, friendship, and sensuality" (Stanley et al., 1999, p. 283).

One of the main skills taught in PREP is the "Speaker-Listener Technique," which Stanley defines as "a structured approach to good communication and conflict management" (Stanley et al., 1999, p. 287). In this technique one partner holds the "floor" and the other is the designated "listener." Couples take turns restating each other's feelings as they are expressed. Rules of the Speaker-Listener Technique include: (1) couples must share the floor, (2) mind reading is not allowed, and (3) the listener can only restate what he or she hears without rebutting (Stanley et al., 1999, p. 287).

Research has shown PREP is effective in helping married couples prevent discord and achieve a more satisfying relationship. In 1993 a study in Germany showed that PREP helped couples significantly increase communication and conflict management skills. In a three-year follow up, the couples were more satisfied with their marriages and more stable than a control group (Hahlweg, Markman, Thrumaier, Engl, & Eckert, 1998). PREP couples averaged a 4% divorce rate as compared to a 24% rate for those in the control group (Hahlweg, personal communication to Stanley, February, 1997).

Another study concluded: "PREP couples have been shown to have about half the likelihood of breaking up or divorcing, have demonstrated greater relationship satisfaction, and have shown lower problem intensity than the control couples for up to five years following training" (Markman, 1988).

To learn more about PREP, write to the Center for Marital and Family Studies, Psychology Department, University of Denver, Denver, CO 80308. Website: http://www.prepinc.com.

Relationship Enhancement

Relationship Enhancement was created by Bernard Guerney. Its development stems back to the early 1950s, when Guerney suggested training parents in the skills necessary to conduct "Child-Centered Play Therapy" (Calvedo, 1999, p. 73). As he observed the effectiveness of teaching parents to act in a therapist role, he had the idea of teaching couples how to be therapists to each other. The program is based on the idea that "teach[ing] the skills to couples and families before they get into trouble" is much more effective than trying to help when relationships are already broken or frail (Calvedo, 1999, p.73).

A unique feature of Relationship Enhancement is its focus on "enhancing the positive aspects of relationships, rather than removing or preventing marital pathology" (Guerney et al., 1986). The program teaches the elements that make couple and family relationships satisfying rather than equipping the couple or family with defenses in case things fall apart.

The program is based on the theory that people can influence the responses of others. The objective is to help couples act in a way that elicits relationship-building behavior in their partner. Some of the skills taught include (1) the "expressive skill," which helps partners "better understand their own sources of stress, needs, and desires, and to express them to others in a way least likely to foster defensiveness, anxiety, hostility, and conflict" (Guerney et al., 1986, p. 77); (2) the "empathetic skill," which helps couples better understand their partner's needs and respond more effectively; and (3) the "facilitative (coaching) skill," which "enables participants to exit negative-negative communication spirals and . . . help each other to master the RE skills" (Guerney et al., 1986, p. 77).

Research on Relationship Enhancement has been substantial, and findings show the program is exceptionally good. It is effective for both distressed and nondistressed couples, and it significantly increases "communication, relationship satisfaction, and ability to handle problems" (Jessee & Guerney, 1981). In 1985, a study examined the effectiveness of 85 different marriage enrichment programs. The results showed Relationship Enhancement generally to be superior to other programs (Giblin et al., 1985).

For more information about Relationship Enhancement call 1-800-432-6454. Website: http://www.nire.org.

Further Ideas for Enriching Your Marriage

• Learn about programs by exploring websites such as http://www.smartmarriages.com, which includes a comprehensive list of marriage enrichment programs. Information about each program includes websites and email addresses for those who want to learn more.
• Go the library or bookstore and read about marriage enrichment. Good books include Seven Principles of Successful Marriages by John Gottman, Fighting for Your Marriage by Scott Stanley, and Strengthening Couples, by David and Amy Olson.
• Participate in church-sponsored marriage classes or seminars.
• Contact local government offices to learn about couple or family classes available in your community.
• Take an online PREPARE/ENRICH or RELATE couple inventory and discuss the results with your spouse.
• Ask senior married couples in your community for their wisdom on enriching marriage.
• Candidly ask your spouse for feedback about how you can enrich your marriage. Listen to the suggestions and apply them.

Written by Bradley Owens, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

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