Strengthening Interfaith Marriage Main Article LDS Perspective Expanded Version

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The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (¶ 7).

When married couples have different views on these topics, marriage can be more difficult. The differences, though, can be successfully negotiated if both spouses make an effort to be understanding. If your spouse is a member of another faith, you can still live your religion, and you can still forge a strong marriage.

In a recent Ensign article, marriage and family expert Brent A. Barlow (2003) offered three basic principles for improving interfaith marriages: keep the commandments of Jesus Christ, make your marriage a high priority, and enjoy wholesome recreation to reduce stress (¶ 11–21). Dr. Barlow also said:

The good news is that our marriages can not only survive but thrive when we follow principles and teachings of the gospel. . . . Even when his or her spouse is not a member of the Church or is less active, a husband or wife can still seek divine guidance to build a stronger foundation for the relationship by following these principles. (¶ 5)

Bring the Spirit into Your Home

If you have a spouse who is not active in the Church or is of no faith, you can do many things to bring the Spirit into your home. If your spouse has strong faith in another religion, you can more easily work together to make your home a spiritual refuge. Below are some suggestions.

• Pray for inspiration. Ask the Lord to give your family the opportunities they need to help them choose to come unto Christ. (LDS Church News, 1994, Z15)
• When it seems appropriate and not intrusive to your spouse, play LDS music. It can uplift and soothe.
• Read scriptures and Church magazines. You might try and find passages in this literature that unite and inspire you both. Take time to discuss them together.
• Hang pictures you find inspirational in places that help you feel the Spirit.
• Remind yourself of spiritual principles with quotes placed where you'll see them often.
• If your spouse does not object, have family scripture study and family prayer.
• Hold weekly family home evening. Find your common beliefs and discuss them during this time (Sorensen, 1983). If your spouse doesn't want to participate, ask for input about what he or she would like the children to learn (Qualheim, 2000, ¶ 12–13).
• Bless the food at each meal and listen to your children's bedtime prayers with your spouse. (Sandoval & Heumphreus, 1990, ¶ 19)
• Attend church meetings.
• Keep your marriage relationship strong. Look for the good in your spouse.
• Be an example of a Christ-like person.
• Watch General Conference. Invite your spouse to watch it with you.
• Watch Church videos as a family.
• Invite your spouse to Church functions where he or she is most likely to feel comfortable, such as meetings where your children are participating, ward activities, dances, sports events, etc. (Qualheim, ¶ 9).
• Build friendships with couples or individuals who are faithful Church members but not pushy toward those who are not (Kunz, 1978, ¶ 5).

Set a Good Example

Husband or wives who want to influence their spouse toward greater spirituality can sometimes be pushy, condescending, or holier-than-thou. A wise way to influence others without being offensive is to simply set a good example. Below are a few suggestions.

• Don't criticize church members or church leaders.
• Teach your children tolerance and patience toward others' beliefs and point of view.
• Seek the support of others, especially priesthood holders. (LDS Church News, Z15, 1994)
• Be humble by remembering you have your own shortcomings.

Avoid Religious Contention

As couples try to avoid religious contention and focus on shared beliefs rather than differences, it's important to be forgiving and to resolve conflicts quickly. It's wrong for either spouse to belittle the other's beliefs, especially in front of the children (Qualheim, ¶ 5, 7). When a sister told Elder Richard G. Scott that her husband "is not a member of the Church, nor does he respect it," Elder Scott (1978) responded:

Dear Sister, whether he is a member or not, he is still the father and head of the family. If he does not appreciate your burden, support him in his positive actions. Show him that you believe in and trust his ability to direct the family. Encourage him with noble examples. (¶ 1)

Never Lose Hope

There are times when the husband or wife of a spouse of a non-participating spouse "must be content to leave part of the law undone" and patiently wait for their spouse to participate when he or she is ready (Sorensen, 1983, ¶ 22).

Members in interfaith marriages, too, can be hopeful. President Thomas S. Monson (1988) tells the story of a woman who visited with him about her less active husband. President Monson urged her to never give up on her husband (¶ 41–42). President Gordon B. Hinckley (1983), while serving as second counselor in the First Presidency, told women in difficult situations such as an interfaith marriage, "You have not failed until you have quit trying, and please remember that your example in your home will be a more persuasive sermon than will any other kind of preachment" (¶ 23).

Written by Jeremy Boyle, Research Assistant, edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

How to help your children stay active in the Church when you have a less-active or non-member spouse. (1994, May 21). LDS Church News, Z17.

Barlow, B. A. (2003, June). A rock-solid foundation for marriage. Ensign, 44-49. Retrieved September 30, 2003, from

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2003.htm/ensign%20june%202003.htm/ questions%20and%20answers.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=8602

Hinckley, G. B. (1983, November). Live up to your inheritance. Ensign, 81-84. Retrieved September 30, 2003, from

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1983.htm/ ensign%20november%201983%20.htm/ live%20up%20to%20your%20inheritance.htm? f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=3822

Kunz, P. R. (1978, April). I have a question. Ensign, 40-44. Retrieved September 17, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1978.htm/ ensign%20april%201978%20.htm/i%20have%20a%20question.htm? f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=9360#LPTOC1

Monson, T. S. (1988, November). Hallmarks of a happy home. Ensign, 69–72. Retrieved September 30, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1988.htm/ ensign%20november%201988.htm/hallmarks%20of%20a%20happy%20home.htm? f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=8552

Qualheim, B. A. (2000, April). Two faiths, one purpose. Ensign, 34–38. Retrieved September 30, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2000.htm/ ensign%20april%202000.htm/two%20faiths%20one%20purpose.htm? f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=9892

Sandoval, K., & Heumphreus, S. (1990, March). When your spouse isn't a member. Ensign, 30–34. Retrieved October 8, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1990.htm/ ensign%20march%201990.htm/when%20your%20spouse%20isnt%20a%20member.htm? f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=8771

Sorensen, M. H. (1983, September). Being missionary to your spouse. Ensign, 58-61. Retrieved September 19, 2003, from

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Scott, R. G. (1978, June). Sustaining the non-member husband. Ensign, 69. Retrieved September 30, 2003, from

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1978.htm/ ensign%20june%201978%20.htm/ insights.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=7412#LPTOC1