Equal Partnership in Marriage Main Article LDS Perspective

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Equal Partnership is Necessary for Exaltation

The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches that man is not complete without woman or woman without man. Neither can fill the measure of his or her creation without the other (see 1 Corinthians 11:11; Moses 3:18). Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God (see D&C 49:15-17). Only through the new and everlasting covenant of marriage can men and women realize the full eternal blessings of exaltation (see D&C 131:1-4; D&C 132:15-19).

United in Purpose

Adam and Eve are our first example of righteous marriage and parenthood. They were equally united in their purpose of supporting and nurturing one another as they reared their children in the paths of righteousness. They acted in interdependence and equality.

Eve was given stewardship over nurturing mortal life by providing physical bodies and guiding children from a state of innocence to accountability. Adam was given stewardship over bestowing ordinances through the priesthood, allowing God's children to return to His presence. In most activities, they worked together. Sister Sheri Dew (2001) explained: "The Lord's pattern for couples and in large measure men and women serving together in His kingdom was established by our first parents. Together Adam and Eve labored, mourned, were obedient, had children, taught their posterity the gospel, called upon the name of the Lord, 'heard the voice of the Lord,' blessed the name of God, and dedicated themselves to God. Repeatedly the scriptures about Adam and Eve refer to the pronoun they" (p. 12).

Each stewardship is vital, creating "an intentional interdependence and equality in the responsibilities given to mothers and fathers. . . . Adam and Eve served each other as equals with each performing acts of leadership and service for the other" (Hawkins, 2000, p. 64).

Equal Partnership in Family Leadership and Decision Making

Church leaders have made it clear that husbands and wives should make all important decisions together. President Marion G. Romney (1978) stated that

neither [husband or wife] should plan or follow an independent course of action. They should consult, pray, and decide together. In the management of their homes and families, husbands and wives should counsel with each other in kindness, love, patience, and understanding. (p. 2)

President Boyd K. Packer (1998) made an important distinction between a man's role in the Church versus his role the home. He said that while

in the Church, there is a distinct line of authority . . . in the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together. While the husband, the father, has responsibility to provide worthy and inspired leadership, his wife is neither behind him nor ahead of him but at his side. (p. 72)

Elder Richard G. Scott (1999) has emphasized to men principles of righteous leadership and decision making:

As a husband and worthy priesthood bearer, you will want to emulate the example of the Savior, whose priesthood you hold. You will make giving of self to wife and children a primary focus of your life. Occasionally a man attempts to control the destiny of each family member. He makes all the decisions. His wife is subjected to his personal whims. Whether that is the custom or not is immaterial. It is not the way of the Lord. It is not the way a Latter-day Saint husband treats his wife and family. (p. 26)

President Howard W. Hunter (1994) taught:

A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto. Of necessity there must be in the Church and in the home a presiding officer (see D&C 107:21). By divine appointment, the responsibility to preside in the home rests upon the priesthood holder (see Moses 4:22). The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal)—that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. Presiding in righteousness necessitates a shared responsibility between husband and wife; together you act with knowledge and participation in all family matters. For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion. (p. 49)

Equal Division of Domestic Tasks

Sometimes inappropriate attitudes and traditions keep spouses from fully supporting one another as equal partners. For example, some couples believe domestic tasks are the sole responsibility of wives and mothers. However, Elder Boyd K. Packer (1989) explained:

It was not meant that the woman alone accommodate herself to the priesthood duties of her husband or her sons. She is of course to sustain and support and encourage them.

Holders of the priesthood, in turn, must accommodate themselves to the needs and responsibilities of the wife and mother. Her physical and emotional and intellectual and cultural well-being and her spiritual development must stand first among his priesthood duties.

There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not [a husband's] equal obligation. (p. 75)

The Meaning of Helpmeet

The term "helpmeet" used in Genesis 2:18 and Moses 3:18 to describe Eve has confused some because in the word "help" usually implies a subordinate position. But President Howard W. Hunter (1994) taught that "meet means equal."

Translating "help" and "meet" from the original Hebrew provides additional insight. "Help" combines the meanings "to rescue or save" with the idea of "strength." The word "meet" in Hebrew means "equal." The two words together, "helpmeet," means one who has equal strength to rescue or save. Thus Eve had equal capacity to help Adam as he had capacity to help her. "Family stewardships should be understood in terms of their responsibilities and obligations to one's spouse, not power over one's spouse" (Hawkins, 2000, p. 65).

Similarly, the phrase "rule over" in Genesis 3:16, referring to Adam's relationship to Eve, has a different meaning than we expect. President Gordon B. Hinckley (1991) explained that the word "rule" means "the husband shall have a governing responsibility to provide for, to protect, to strengthen and shield the wife" (p. 99).

President Hinckley (1992) further taught that "marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have" (p. 6).

Written by Adrian Selle, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

Dew, S. L. (2001, November). It is not good for man or woman to be alone. Ensign, 12. Retrieved 9 June, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2001.htm/ensign%20november%202001.htm/it%20is%20not%20good%20for%20man%20or%20woman%20to%20be%20alone.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=1893

Hawkins, A. J. et al., (2000). Equal partnership and the sacred responsibilities of mothers and fathers. In D. C. Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our families: An in-depth look at the proclamation on the family (pp. 63-82). Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft.

Hinckley, G. B. (1991, November). Daughters of God. Ensign. 99. Retrieved 9 June 9, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1991.htm/ensign%20november%201991%20.htm/daughters%20of%20god.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=8351

Hinckley, G. B. (1992, August). I believe. Ensign, 6. Retrieved 9 June, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1992.htm/ensign%20august%201992%20.htm/first%20presidency%20message%20i%20believe.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=5001

Hunter, H. W. (1994, November). Being a righteous husband and father. Ensign, 51. Retrieved 9 June, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1994.htm/ensign%20november%201994.htm/being%20a%20righteous%20husband%20and%20father.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=9991

Packer, B. K. (1989, July). A tribute to women. Ensign, 75. Retrieved 9 June, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1989.htm/ensign%20july%201989.htm/a%20tribute%20to%20women.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=4132

Packer, B. K. (1998, May). The relief society. Ensign, 72. Retrieved 9 June, 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1998.htm/ensign%20may%201998.htm/the%20relief%20society.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=5082

Romney, M. G. (1978, March). In the image of God. Ensign, 2. Retrieved 9 June, 2003 from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1978.htm/ensign%20march%201978%20.htm/first%20presidency%20message%20in%20the%20image%20of%20god.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=9187