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In a recent report from the National Marriage Project, researchers David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead (2000) write, "Marriage is a fundamental social institution. It is central to the nurture and raising of children. It is the 'social glue' that reliably attaches fathers to children. It contributes to the physical, emotional and economic health of men, women and children, and thus to the nation as a whole. It is also one of the most highly prized of all human relationships and a central life goal of most Americans" (p. 3). According to a recent study, most Americans say that having a happy marriage is either the most important or a very important goal in their lives. Yet Americans are becoming less likely to marry, and the chance a marriage will end in divorce is between 40% and 50%. Scholars Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher (2000) describe this state of affairs as a "postmarriage" culture. More and more people simply don't believe marriage is necessary anymore. Alternatives to MarriageIncreasingly, couples are choosing to "cohabit," or live together without getting married. More than half of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation (Bumpass & Lu, 1998). A majority of young people believes this is a good idea (Bachman, Johnston, & O'Malley, 1997). They hope that by living together they can find out more about their partners, test their compatibility, avoid divorce, or prevent getting stuck in an unhappy marriage. But while marriage and cohabitation relationships may appear very similar, in fact they are very different. Couples who live together report lower levels of happiness, more uncertainty in their relationships, and a high breakup rate (Popenoe & Whitehead, 2000). They also have more conflict and arguing in their relationships and less equality between partners. If they marry, they are more likely to get divorced and more likely to have problems with adultery, alcohol, and drugs. They tend not to be as close to one another as those who did not cohabit before marrying, continuing the style they learned during cohabitation of keeping separate finances and thinking separately about future plans (VanDenBerghe, 2000). Much of the lesser relationship benefits experienced by cohabitating couples results from their lower commitment to making the relationship work. Studies show cohabiting couples are less faithful and less willing to support each other emotionally and financially. The most dangerous effect of cohabitation may be that it changes people's attitudes about marriage. When people live together, they come to believe that marriage isn't as important or as lasting as they once believed. This attitude makes marriage less likely for those who have cohabited and less successful if they do marry (Popenoe & Whitehead, 2000). Marriage as a Legal and Social InstitutionMarriage is not merely a private relationship but a legal and social institution (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). It is a legally binding contract. The government views married couples differently than it views cohabiting couples on many issues, including taxes, poverty levels, social security benefits, and medical benefits. Marriage changes the way people think about themselves, their spouses, others, and the future. It also changes the way they act. Husbands and wives do unselfish things for each other and for their families that they are less likely to do alone. Marriage is a public contract with rules people are expected to follow. For example, spouses have made vows before God and their community that they will help one another and stay together during tough times. These social expectations foster the development of adult identity. Steve Nock's studies (1998) focusing on married men showed that marriage helps men define their masculinity as they fulfill their roles as fathers, providers, and protectors. Individuals who are married find they develop more of their whole selves. In today's fragmented society, different spheres of life such as home, work, school, and friends are often completely separate. Co-workers and classmates generally see only a small part of a person's full personality. A marriage relationship is often the only place where a person can enjoy being his or her whole self. When two people are fully committed to one another, they can come to understand one another deeply and fulfill their roles most completely (Gove, Style, & Hughes, 1990). Benefits of Marriage: An OverviewMarried people enjoy better physical, mental, and emotional health, better financial position, and a higher level of happiness than do unmarried people ("unmarried" refers to single, divorced, cohabiting, and widowed people). Marriage helps people feel they are important and loved completely by another person. The specialization of labor allows couples to enjoy twice the talent, brain power, and special skills in their home. This allows couples to achieve more together than they could alone and thus fosters a sense of accomplishment. According to researcher VanDenBerghe (2000), marriage is the "ultimate meaningful role in society." Being married means having someone to help with problems, someone to listen, and someone to trust. Waite and Gallagher (2000) call this the "marital insurance benefit (p. 31)" because spouses can insure one another against life's uncertainties (to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the quality of the marriage). Husbands and wives can complain about their jobs, discuss problems, plan for the future, and feel comfortable being themselves at home. Some researchers argue that marriage is not the reason for these benefits but rather that those who marry are already healthier, wealthier, and happier. This is called the "selection theory" -- marriage "selects" for people who are better off to begin with. While selection does account for some of the differences between married and unmarried people, most researchers agree that it doesn't explain all the benefits of marriage. They agree that marriage itself creates many of the benefits. Physical Benefits of MarriageStudy after study has consistently shown that married people across cultures have better physical health than unmarried people. In general, marriage provides husbands and wives with another person to help monitor their health and to encourage taking care of themselves. Those with spouses are more likely to feel a sense of meaning in their lives and a responsibility for their loved ones that encourages good health habits (Waite, 1995). These benefits also helps marriage partners handle stress better. Of course, the marriage must be a happy one to include these benefits. As the quality of a marriage increases, so does health (Wickrama, Lorenz, Conger, & Elder, 1997, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Specific health benefits include:
Emotional Benefits of MarriageOne of the most consistent findings in the study of psychiatric diseases is that married people enjoy better emotional health than the unmarried (Williams, Takeuchi, & Adair, 1992). For example:
Selection plays a small part in these findings, since people with severe emotional problems are much less likely to marry. But a study by Marks and Lambert (1998, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000) looked at mental health before and after marriage and discovered that it generally improved after marriage. Mental health worsened in people who were separated or divorced. This study also found that after divorce, women are especially prone to depression and decreased self-esteem. Researchers have found that living with another person without being married does not confer these same health benefits (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Sexual Benefits of MarriageFaithful, married couples are most satisfied with their sex lives of any group. According to the National Sex Survey, married couples have sex more often and enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally, than singles. Cohabiting couples have sex slightly more often but are not as satisfied (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). In addition, married men and women are least likely to lack interest in sex, to consider it unpleasurable, and to associate it with fear, anxiety, or guilt (VanDenBerghe, 2000). Married couples are more sexually active and satisfied for many reasons. A spouse is a readily available partner, for example. When sex functions as an expression of unity and love, as in marriage, both partners enjoy it much more. People who are fully committed to each other are more likely to take the time to get to know what makes their partner happy and how to please them. Waite and Gallagher (2000) explain, "Demanding a loving relationship before having sex, using sex to express love, and striving to meet sexual needs of one's partner all increase satisfaction with sex" (p. 89). Sex is the ultimate expression of commitment to and love for a spouse. Marriage "offers a secure, rewarding, and emotionally safe context for displaying physical affection" (VanDenBerghe, 2000, p. 19). Financial Benefits of MarriageStatistics show that married couples make more money than single men and women. In 1997 the U.S. median income of married couples was approximately $47,000. This is more than the combined median income of single men ($26,000) and single women ($16,000) (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 1997, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Researcher Steven Nock (1998) looked at data about men's work and income over time. He found that on the average, marriage increases income by $1,800 for every year of marriage. Married men work an average of two weeks more than unmarried men, which explains some of the gain in pay but not all. Researchers believe that as men fulfill the traditional role of breadwinner and provider, they are more motivated to work hard and to gain prestige in their jobs. They take pride in their role as head of the family and care about meeting the needs of their families. As the marriage lasts, a man's commitment to work and to prestige in his career continue to increase. Wives play an important part in the increased income married people enjoy. Waite (1995) found wives help their husbands earn more by giving advice and support, by taking the greater share of household chores so husbands have more time and energy for work, and by encouraging good habits of sleeping and eating that result in lower rates of missing work and make husbands less likely to be fired. Wives also serve as an incentive for men to perform well at work and to earn a steady income. The level of a wife's education is a strong predictor of her husband's earnings. When she is well educated, she can be a greater help to her husband in establishing healthy habits, gathering information, helping to analyze career decisions, and offering good advice (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Waite and Gallagher (2000) write, "For a male worker, a wife is a secret weapon, giving him, over time, a powerful competitive advantage over his unmarried coworkers" (p. 101). The financial benefits of marriage for women are a bit more complicated. While married women share in the advantages of their husband's higher incomes and enjoy better access to health care, nutrition, housing, and safer jobs than unmarried women (Lillard & Waite, 1995), marriage increases a woman's housework and chores. Some feminists argue that for this reason marriage decreases women's earnings. Their argument holds true for married women who are also mothers, but not for childless married women. In fact, married women without children earn at least as much as single women. Married women with children have lower earnings because they do not work as much as women without children (Grossbard-Shectman, 1993, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). It is having children, not whether a woman is married or not, that reduces her earnings (Waldfogel, 1997, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Married mothers are more likely to have the choice to stay at home or to work less, which usually means lower paying part-time jobs. As long as a woman stays married, though, whether a mother or not, she enjoy the benefits of her husband's increased income. Married couples also benefit financially because they are able to save more money. By living together, they can share goods and services like a TV, microwave, furniture, appliances, and utilities. Waite (1995) explains, "Two can live cheaply as one - or maybe one and a half" (p. 493). Spouses also have the opportunity to combine their strengths. When marriage partners pool their resources, both people benefit. For example, a husband who is skilled at fixing things can save a family a great deal of money, as can a wife who is skilled at managing money. Specialization also allows husband and wife to be more productive because they can concentrate on the things they do best and can rely on their spouse for help with things they're less good at. One husband describes his wife as, "a great budgeter - one of the great shoppers . . .. and she makes a lot of the things we use. She made [my] suit . . . She's responsible for our having a fine life. I give her money and she makes it go farther than I could ever make it go. She makes a lot more money for us at home than she could [at work]" (Waite & Gallagher, 2000, p. 114). Marriage also encourages investing and saving money for family-oriented things like a house, a car, and children's education (Waite, 1995). Married people tend to be more responsible with their money because they have more obligations to others. They spend less on themselves than the divorced, never married, and widowed (VanDenBerghe, 2000). The government recognizes the advantages of being married in setting the poverty level. A couple needs only 30% more income to avoid being poor than a single person needs (National Research Council, 1995, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). The financial benefits of marriage become even clearer when contrasted with divorce. Two households are far more expensive than one. After a divorce, the standard of living of the family drops 25% (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Cohabiting couples tend to keep finances separate and miss out on most of the financial benefits of marriage (Popenoe & Whitehead, 1999). Benefits to Children of Having Married ParentsChildren who live with their married, biological parents enjoy many advantages over children who live with a single parent or with a remarried parent. Advantages include:
The Harm of DivorceSadly, between 40% and 50% of all marriages today end in divorce. Legal changes have made divorce easier, and the stigma of divorce has largely disappeared. While this more accepting attitude is sometimes compassionate, too much acceptance of divorce can damage surviving marriages. In fact, adopting favorable ideas about divorce actually tends to lower the quality of a person's marriage (Amato & Rogers, 1999, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Divorce also can become a downward spiral that is not easily broken; research shows that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). One common myth about divorce is that children are better off when parents in conflict separate. This is not necessarily true. Research shows that only children whose parents have very high conflict experience relief when their parents divorce (Amato & Booth, 1997, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Less than 30% of divorces end these high-conflict marriages. A small minority of divorces benefit children. Most divorces leave children worse off. Children don't care if their parents are deeply in love. As long as their parents are not fighting every day, children thrive when they have two parents (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Amato and Booth (1997, cited in Waite & Gallagher, 2000) conclude that it is not unreasonable for parents to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. Those who do persist often find that their marriages improve. In fact, most marriages get better over time; permanent unhappiness is very rare. One study found that 86% of couples who stayed together despite difficulties reported being much happier five years after the troubled period (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). Costs of Divorce to SocietyAs more marriages fall apart, communities become weaker. Marital distress lowers work productivity, and some research shows that poor social relationships are as harmful to physical health as cigarette smoking. Everyone carries the burdens of divorce, which include higher crime, welfare, and poverty, and less education and health care. These added costs are paid by all: taxpayers, citizens, and neighbors. Taking ActionWaite and Gallagher suggest several ways communities can support and strengthen marriage:
Written by Jennifer Crockett and Marisa Beebe, Research Assistants, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life Brigham Young University. ReferencesBachman, J. G., Johnston, L. D., & O’Malley, P. M. (1997). Monitoring the future: Questionnaire responses from the nation’s high school seniors. In D. Popenoe & B. D. Whitehead (1999). Should we live together? Rutgers University: The National Marriage Project Publication. Retrieved January 25, 2001 from http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SWLT2%20TEXT.htm. Bumpass, L. & Lu, H. (1998) Trends in cohabitation and implications for children’s family contexts. In D. Popenoe & B. D. Whitehead (1999). Should we live together? Coombs, R. H. (1991). Marital status and personal well-being: A literature review. Family Relations. 40, 97-105. Gove, W., Style, C., & Hughes, M. (1990). The effect of marriage on the well-being of adults: A theoretical analysis. Journal of Family Issues. 11 (1). 4-35. Lillard, L. A. & Waite, L. J. (1995). ‘Til death do us part: Marital disruption and mortality. American Journal of Sociology. 100 (5), 1131-1156. Nock, S. (1998). Marriage in men’s lives. New York: Oxford University Press. Popenoe, D. & Whitehead B. D. (1999). Should we live together? Rutgers University: The National Marriage Project: Publication. Retrieved January 25, 2001 from http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SWLT2%20TEXT.htm Popenoe, D. & Whitehead B. D. (2000). The State of Our Unions 2000. Rutgers University: The National Marriage Project. Retrieved January 25, 2001 from http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SOOU/TEXTSOOU2002.htm Stanton, G. T. (1997). Why marriage matters: Reasons to believe in marriage in postmodern society. Colorado Springs: Pinon. VanDenBerghe, E. (2000). The enduring, happy marriage: Findings and implications from research. In D. C. Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our families: An In-depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family (pp. 16–28). Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft. Waite, L. J. (1995). Does marriage matter? Demography, 32 (4). 483-507. Waite, L. & Gallagher, M. (2000). The case for marriage. New York: Doubleday. Williams, D. R., Takeuchi, D. T., & Adair, R. K. (1992). Marital status and psychiatric disorders among blacks and whites. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 33, 140-157. | |||||||||